What The Foto?

Supposedly 2.298 Pounds of Therapeutic Heat

2012-01-11T00:05:00.001+05:30

This is a What The Screenshot, but worth the look anyway. Click the picture to enbiggen. You can also see it for yourself here.

Did you spot it? Take another look. Right there after the price. Yes that is a per ounce cost for a heating pad. As if that wasn't odd enough, the math isn't even right. According to that page the shipping weight is 1.4 pounds, which would make this cost $1.66/ounce. So we have a product that has a ridiculous per unit price which isn't correct. Well done, Amazon.

Tur,Duc,Hen

2012-01-03T23:00:00.001+05:30

I didn't mean to take a nearly month-long sabbatical, but I'm back!

Let's get this out of the way first: it's turducken not Tur-Duc-Hen. Secondly, isn't then entire point of serving one of these monstrosities is that you make it yourself? Finally, who in their right mind would pay $70 for this? Nothing screams "Happy Holidays" like a 15 pound creole-seasoned poultry-and-waterfowl layer cake.

The Newest Drink Sensation, Only Available At Your Local Bar

2011-12-13T22:05:00.002+05:30

Or perhaps it's just a urinal full of ice...

Layers Of Flavors

2011-12-10T03:08:00.001+05:30

So I'm shopping for some snacks the other day when I see this (click on the picture to enbiggen). Focus your attention on the line below "Rosemary & Olive Oil. Now that is one descriptive description. Why did they only mention "natural flavors" twice? I'm sure there are more than two natural flavors in there. It's a little like spelling "banana": everyone knows how to spell it but not everyone knows when to stop.

I've Been Called Unreasonable...

2011-12-02T03:05:00.000+05:30

I was shopping the other day and was in the prepaid cell phone area of the store when I spied this. I cannot remember which carrier this display was for but check out that disclaimer. For the life of me I cannot figure out what they are trying to say. In my opinion, "unlimited" means at least 43,200 minutes in your average 30-day month. And who gets to determine what "unreasonable" means because I'm certain that would lead to a differing of opinions.

Medical Care, Now In Convenient Child Form

2011-11-29T21:17:00.001+05:30

One more picture from my NYC trip. I saw this while I was having lunch one day (click on the picture to enbiggen). Pay attention to the left-most sign. I assume that is supposed to read "CPR KIT AVAILABLE" but I guess they could have a Doogie-Howser-like child prodigy in the back somewhere.

Take Your Gift Giving To The Max(i)

2011-11-18T01:38:00.000+05:30

You never know where a What The Foto will present itself (click the picture to enbiggen). A lot of companies these days are taking a "value-added" approach to their products. You know, not only does it do the intended purpose but also something completely unrelated. That being said, COME ON! Who is ever going to use this as a gift box? And if one ever did, how mortified would the recipient be if they found out where that lovely box came from.

Pig Toes!!!

2011-11-16T02:19:00.000+05:30

Here is another sight that I was presented whilst in NYC. Please direct your attention to the sign in the middle. I while I'm sure it isn't unheard of to use pig toes in cooking, a quick Goggle search doesn't return very much in the way of recipes. This leads me to wonder why the proprietor of this butcher shop would use them as a way to lure potential customers into the store. Of course, my entire analysis of this picture is based on the assumption that they are selling actual toes from pigs and not, as the Urban Dictionary suggests, "more petite, dainty, and, hence, attractive version of the camel toe."

Scrap Gold And A Haircut, Two Bits

2011-11-08T23:55:00.000+05:30

I saw these sign recently when I was in New York. Feel free to click the picture to enbiggen but that really is a barber shop that wants to buy your gold. I've seen a lot of business combinations that don't make sense but this one ranks up near the top of the list. I wonder how that transaction would go: "Hey, Mike! Just take a little off the top and here is my old wedding ring. Keep the change."

Rolled On The Thighs Of Beautiful Cuban Women

2011-11-04T23:49:00.001+05:30

It's a two-fer from Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq.

This is a gift that was given by Mrs. Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. (click the picture to enbiggen). The product claims to be "Fine Handrolled Handkerchiefs", as if that is the most logical presentation for something used to remove mucus. At least the product is named correctly; I assume it is pronounced "creamy-eww".

Who Says Car Repair Has To Be Expensive?

2011-11-02T01:13:00.001+05:30

Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. captured this image and sent it my way.

So, here is a VW Beetle Convertible whose top apparently had an issue. The resourceful owner decided to take on this daunting repair task his/herself. Let's analyse the finished project, shall we? First, I do have to give them credit for actually installing a window for rear viewing. However, the "top" is held on with bungee cords and appears to be rather loose. I imagine this results in significant flapping at highway speed. I also doubt it is more securely fastened in the front, so there is an ongoing threat of it just flying off one day. If that happens, the only hope for any car behind them is that the viewing portal lands perfectly so they can watch the Bug drive off with the wind blowing in their hair.

The Torso, My Friend, Is Blowin' In The Wind

2011-10-28T20:12:00.000+05:30

Field correspondent Frankie captured this image and sent it to me. You definitely should click the picture to enbiggen.

Let's see if we can analyse everything that is going on here. Obviously there is a headless, limbless mannequin suspended from the porch. There is also lots of children's play items on that porch. This implies that the owner of this dwelling doesn't mind inflicting emotional scarring on kids. The porch appears to have been added on so planning isn't a strong suit. Finally, let's not overlook the tiny gazing ball so any lingering questions about the sanity of the residents should be answered.

Egg-cellent Sandwiches Inside

2011-10-26T01:57:00.000+05:30

Frankie and I saw this sign on a recent road trip. Click the picture to enbiggen. Now I know that those are two separate concepts but when you put them together like that it just looks odd. I wonder how well buffalo chicken can manage a Subway. Probably better than many actual managers I've seen as of late.

Department of Redundancy Department, Part Deux

2011-10-20T22:48:00.000+05:30

But in the event of an emergency, what is one supposed to use to contact help?

Politics Can Be Fun

2011-10-13T20:27:00.002+05:30

In many states there is a perennial candidate, one who so wants to change the system that he or she will run for just about any position available. In Missouri, that candidate is Leonard Steinman. Here is one of his "mobile advertisements." Please click the picture to enbiggen.

I really have no idea what his platform is but I have to believe you are not bolstering your poll ratings by calling yourself a "dishonest, lying cheat". And, dear reader, lest you think this is another candidate tying to libel Mr. Steinman, take my word that this work of art was created by the candidate himself. In addition to the campaign bus, he also has a delivery truck and (for some reason) a dump truck.

Finally, in the spirit of completeness, here is a link to his campaign picture looking like the Lion from The Wizard of Oz.

Just Good Advice

2011-10-11T23:05:00.001+05:30

Sorry for the hiatus, I was in the Big Apple last week and couldn't post. Anywho...

I saw this in the restroom of a local restaurant. I hope that this is directed toward the employees but I'm really not sure. While I agree with the sentiment whole-heartedly, it's just kind of.... odd. Maybe the owner has OCD and is trying to get everyone to act like he does.

Nasty Habit

2011-10-04T17:48:00.000+05:30

Our newest correspondent, Agent Superstar, got this from a friend and sent it my way.

I understand the need for a product like this, but it raises so many questions. I assume it works by making the poop taste bad. How does one make poop taste worse? And none the thorough research I've done on the subject (30 seconds or so) mentions that dogs eat poop because it is delicious. Of course the biggest question is that if it makes what comes out taste that bad, what does it taste like going in?

The Question Is: Does Your Server Give You The Lube?

2011-09-29T21:29:00.001+05:30

Field correspondent TeaSea provides another one.

I had never heard of this restaurant chain but they are apparently all over the U.S. As far as I can tell from their website, while they do serve steaks, they do not service vehicles. And steaks aren't even their signature dish; they are most proud of their wings. But for some reason, I just can't stay mad at a business that displays the word "LUBE" all over the place.

Department of Redundancy Department

2011-09-28T20:27:00.003+05:30

Field correspondent Grapril sent this to me a while ago and I just found it. Please to enjoy.

The choice of an attorney is an important one and should be based on the fact that you only have to remember one name and one digit.

WTFerret?!?

2011-09-23T23:49:00.002+05:30

Woo boy, has it been a week. Anyways, this one comes from Bat. Click the picture to enbiggen.

So many questions (dramatic pause)...

Since when the hell does anyone care about legalizing ferrets?...
Since when the hell does anyone care ENOUGH about legalizing ferrets to create an organization for legalizing ferrets?...
Why the hell would said organization spend money, which I’m sure is in short supply, to create a BUMPER STICKER for legalizing ferrets?...
Why the hell would anyone put said bumper sticker for legalizing ferrets on a fairly new car?...
Who the hell would want ANYONE to know they support legalizing ferrets?...
"Do it for the little guy"... because we all need a thieving, snake killing, slinky bodied rodent as a family pet.

Editor's note: If that doesn't make you wonder what they were thinking, how about this article that details a ferret preventing a child from counting above three.

And It's Stylish

2011-09-15T23:05:00.000+05:30

Most of this packaging makes perfect sense. It's a mask that does what it should: filter out stuff you don't want to breathe. What landed this image here is the line just below LATEX FREE: "Protects against frigid winter air". Now I understand that companies are always trying to find other uses for their products but I just can't imagine people will ever use it in that manner. Scarves serve the same purpose with a far less chance of ridicule.

Not Much Of A Reservation

2011-09-13T22:54:00.000+05:30

I found this scene during a float trip earlier in the year. Click the picture to enbiggen. Can the parking really be called "reserved" if the sign can be moved freely?

Mascot, Relieve Thyself

2011-09-07T20:43:00.000+05:30

This is another contribution from Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq.

Truman the Tiger is the mascot for the University of Missouri and his likeness tends to show up all over the area. This is a cardboard cutout of him (click the picture to enbiggen). Without the t-shirt, I'm sure it would be obvious that he is facing the camera waving his right hand. With the t-shirt, it appears he is leaning against the wall with his left hand, peeing on the wall and looking over his shoulder at the camera. Ahhh, perspective...

Drunken Feet

2011-09-02T01:51:00.000+05:30

I was at the vet recently and was presented this scene. Now believe me when I say I am not making fun of this gentleman's condition. He appears to have recently had some sort of procedure on his feet. As a result, I'm certain wearing shoes would be quite painful. However I do have to call into question his decision to wear Crown Royal bags instead. The best part is the incongruousness of the feet with the well-tailored suit, pressed shirt and nice tie.

Get It?? Unit Price?!?!

2011-08-31T00:18:00.000+05:30

Field correspondent Stroker got this from his friend Kent. Click the picture for enbiggened goodness.

Boy howdy, back-to-school supplies have changed since I went. I don't recall ever having this particular item on the list the school sent out. My favorite part of this sign is that it points out with 2 free, it only costs 89.2¢ per session. Now that's a bargain.

Ancillary Service

2011-08-25T20:42:00.001+05:30

Field correspondent Frankie got some doughnuts one morning and this was the bag they were in. Let's take a closer look at that text, shall we?

"As an additional service"? Really? How is reusing a bag an additional service? That's a little like selling a pet rock that, as an additional service, can be used for self defense if thrown accurately. I also enjoy the fact that the phrase "soak through" is in quotations. This is bag citing another bag?

Living Toilet

2011-08-23T21:39:00.000+05:30

I recently found this picture that I took a couple years ago on a trip to Florida (click the picture to enbiggen). I understand the gist of the sign: they are conserving water by using recycled water for the toilets, but the drinking water is fresh. It's a great idea and is well implemented. The issue I have with this is the phrase "Living Machine toilets." For some reason that just gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Approximately Exact

2011-08-19T02:45:00.000+05:30

This is a postcard that provides the school bus schedule and assignment for the child of a friend (sorry for all the redactions, but you understand). Click to enbiggen and pay attention to the times. Now let's look at the reverse side of that card.

How about that disclaimer in all caps: "THESE TIMES ARE APPROXIMATE". I'm not certain about you, dear reader, but I would call 7:01 pretty darn precise.

Odd Recipe

2011-08-16T21:23:00.001+05:30

I was having lunch with Frankie the other day when I was handed this menu. Let's have a look-see here. It was a sports bar so the names are a bit odd, but nothing really of note. Hmmmm, what could have gotten this on What The Foto? Ahhhh, there is it: the second ingredient of the Rocky. I'm pretty sure that is not how a Philly Cheesesteak is made.

Expenses Of Scale

2011-08-11T20:41:00.000+05:30

This is another picture I took at my place of employment. Click the image to enbiggen. Let's do the math here; a small (8 ounce) cup is 10¢, making it cost 1.25¢ an ounce while a large (16 ounce) cup is 25¢, making it 1.5625¢ per ounce. I'm not sure why there is a premium on the greater quantity of coffee. An eternally optimistic person might hypothesize that it is to encourage employees to make more trips for the health benefit of the additional walking. The realist in me knows better. And to top it off, no one I pointed it out to even realized that anything was odd about it.

What Are The Chances?

2011-08-05T00:50:00.000+05:30

Go ahead and click on the picture to enbiggen. I'll wait, I promise. So, did you see it? The mind boggling coincidence? The fact that two identical Corvettes (except for color) would be in the same parking lot at the same time, both forget their handicap parking tags, and be terrible at parking. I blurred out the license plates to limit my liability, but they weren't disabled plates either. Just in case you were going to argue that one.

But Not From Addiction...

2011-08-02T21:34:00.000+05:30

Let me first say that I'm not against smokeless tobacco. I think it's disgusting, but everyone is free to kill themselves however they choose. That said, the warning on this sign really takes the wind out of the sentiment of the ad.

Additional Room Service

2011-07-30T01:54:00.000+05:30

During a recent hotel stay, as I was entering my room, I was afforded this view. I truly have no idea what that symbol is supposed to represent. Some special lighting? A device for opening beverages? Extreme ear piercing? No other room has that icon by the number and I found nothing inside the room that could possibly have been represented by it. Believe me, I looked. So apparently I had access to some special good or service that I failed to take advantage. Maybe I should ask the hotel for reimbursement...

Proctolo-tree

2011-07-28T00:00:00.000+05:30

Sorry about the hiatus. My schedule has been pretty hectic as of late. Anywho, this pic was given to me by W of A&W.

You, dear reader, are definitely going to want to click on that picture for enbiggened goodness. Serious? Who thinks that is a good way to display anything let alone stuffed animals? I wonder how one would respond to the question "Mommy, why are those animals stuck to that pole by their bottoms?" And of course there has to be an outlier: apparently the top blue bear has had a tracheotomy.

No, No.... You Tell Me.

2011-07-18T23:37:00.000+05:30

I saw this "food" stand during a recent trip to an amusement park with Frankie. Please click the picture to enbiggen. I am really quite disturbed by the purveyor asking the customer to try to guess what is included in a food item. Mayhap I'm just not as adventurous as others, but I really prefer to know exactly what I am putting in my mouth.

My Lucky Day!!!

2011-07-08T20:56:00.000+05:30

I rolled into my parking spot at work last week and glanced down to see this (click the picture to enbiggen). Perhaps I should have purchased a lottery ticket that day...

All Purpose People Cleaner

2011-07-06T01:21:00.001+05:30

I recently found another picture from my road trip earlier this year. This was in the room of a casino that we stayed in. Click the picture to enbiggen. That dispenser in the shower was the only cleanser in the entire room. No soap (hand or bath). No shampoo. No conditioner. Just this miracle clean-all in a handy pump dispenser. Luckily I brought my own toiletries. I have a sneaky suspicion that I would feel dirtier after using anything that came out of that.

Smoken!

2011-06-30T23:00:00.001+05:30

Here is another example of a sign that takes much more interpretation than it should (click the picture to enbiggen). I assume this is the owner's way of asking patrons not to put out a cigarette and then take it into the store with them. I do have to wonder why these signs aren't created on a computer and printed. The advantage of that is twofold: first, one wouldn't have to worry about illegible handwriting and, second, words like "smoken" would probably not be included.

Somewhere, A Sleeper Agent Has Been Activated

2011-06-28T20:56:00.001+05:30

Does anyone want to take a stab at this one? Anyone? I kind of get the first two lines: fishing is fun, but flat tires are not fun. Pretty bizarre parallelism, but I guess I can make that leap. It's that last part that really confuses me: "trailer tires ok". This makes no sense either in the "context" of the sign or on its own. Signs such as these are supposed to entice people to shop there, not cause them to wreck while trying to decipher the message.

Please Select The Definition You Are Most Comfortable With

2011-06-21T19:34:00.000+05:30

Field correspondent Griff snapped this picture and sent it to me.

Oh sure, the phrase "Glory Hole" is used number of different ways. The Discover Channel show Gold Rush Alaska uses it to describe a depression at the base of a waterfall where gold gathers. In the world of offshore petroleum wells, it means escavating the seafloor to protect the wellhead from icebergs. It is even the name of the reheating furnace for glassblowing. But we all know what it really means, don't we...

Me Sellum Sodas

2011-06-16T20:18:00.004+05:30

Field correspondent Frankie submits another.

Umm.. I'm really not sure what to even say about this other than "What in the hell is wrong with people?" Click the picture to enbiggen the creepiness.

UPDATE: Correspondent Shu noted "What's interesting is only the cowboy has a Please Don't Touch sign on him. Go wild with the Native American, I guess."

Warpped Pineapple

2011-06-14T21:09:00.000+05:30

Seen at a local Chinese Buffet restaurant. Everyone understands the power of pork in general and especially bacon, but I never knew it had the ability to send tropical fruit faster than the speed of light. Or maybe it has given the fruit a perverse sense of humor. In either case, I shall endeavor to keep a close eye on my pineapple whenever it is in the presence of bacon from now on.

Finally, The Pluralization Of A New Orleans' Colloquialism

2011-06-08T21:03:00.000+05:30

I was riding with Frankie we saw this. It's not the clearest picture, but click on it to enbiggen and focus your attention to the brand badge next to the left tail light. It reads: HYUUDAI, which I can only assume that is pronounced "Who Dey". In most cases, this would be slightly more grammatically correct than the traditional "Who Dat" as that idiom is typically directed at a group rather than an individual. And that is your Creole lesson for the day.

Details, Details

2011-06-03T01:30:00.000+05:30

So now, employees not only have to wash their hands after using the restroom, they also have to use soap? Talk about micro-management. Will the proletariat never cease to be suppressed?

Caption The Foto Contest

2011-05-27T19:34:00.006+05:30

Regular readers know how much I enjoy typos in signs. This is one that happens pretty regularly. I've decided to throw it out to you, dear reader. Post your captions to this sign in the comments (click to enbiggen). The one I deem best will get some sort of prize, to be determined. If I don't know you personally, don't worry, I'll find some way to get it to you. I'll get the ball rolling.

1. Smile, Moron camera.

2. My on camera? MY on camera? MY on camera?!?

Update: Here are the contenders so far:
- By the end, Alan Funt was really phoning it in...
- In communist Russia, signs warn "CAMERA ON YOUR SMILE". What a country! (Anonymous I need to know how to contact you)

There Might Be A Better Solution Than A Sign

2011-05-24T23:57:00.000+05:30

I found this in a local playground (click the picture to enbiggen). This seems like something that maybe, MAYBE, was not planned well. Hmmm, a structure that kind of looks like a piece of playground equipment but is deadly. Right next to actual playground equipment. Nothing could possibly go wrong here. The other explanation is that the civil engineer who designed this site hates children.

Increased Security

2011-05-20T02:32:00.000+05:30

We wrap up Shu's Vegas-themed miniseries with this post and a thank you to him.

We knew we'd see a greater security presence in light of recent events. We just didn't expect anyone to outsource to a security agency from a galaxy long ago and far away.

I Think I'll Take The Elephant

2011-05-17T19:56:00.001+05:30

Here is Shu's second entry of the Vegas mini-series.

The calendar or the water? Calendar or water? Something you hang on your wall or something you can get from your faucet? Something that lasts 12 months or something that lasts 12 seconds? Calendar or water? Calendar or water.

World's Biggest Small Print

2011-05-12T18:52:00.000+05:30

We're featuring a Vegas mini-series, presented by correspondent Shu.

All I can say is this is one heck of a disclaimer for 25-cent wings (click the picture to enbiggen). The lawyers didn't miss any detail, including the "non-refillable fountain drink." Apparently, not only do you pay extra to get the wings to go, you have to pay for the box to put them in. Buyer beware: these 25-cent wings could run you more than your next car payment.

I Think I'll Take My Chances

2011-05-10T19:59:00.000+05:30

Here is another picture from Killer (A.K.A Frankie).

There MIGHT have been a time when this building was safe, but I have a hard time believing that it would have ever qualified as a "Safety Building". Safe from what? I assume a tornado would have taken that skimpy roof right off. The large windows probably wouldn't keep an attacker out. Since it was made from bricks, I might have said it would be safe from the Big Bad Wolf, but it looks like he is the one who left it in this condition.

Phone From Bar

2011-05-05T23:56:00.001+05:30

I found this at a local bar and grill (click the picture to enbiggen). While there are a lot of kitschy places with random signs on the walls, this sign is authentic in that there is a payphone outside which you can use from your vehicle. As to why this sign is inside I cannot tell you. Unless this is one of those "drive-ins" that we hear so much about.

In Case You Have Extra Change...

2011-04-28T23:25:00.000+05:30

This picture comes courtesy of our newest correspondent, TeaSea.

When I received this, I wasn't sure why. After a couple of minutes of looking at it, it became evident that this is a classic What The Foto (click the picture to enbiggen). Notice that there is a "No Parking" sign on the right side of the scene and another one on the post by the intersection. Now take note of what is in between those two signs. Yes there are not one, but two parking meters located between the signs in what happens to be a turn lane. Well played, city planning commission, well played.

Water Authorized To Be Wet

2011-04-26T00:03:00.000+05:30

Another one from field correspondent Shu.

In most communities, the police have little or no recourse to deal with the nation's trespassing epidemic. But in this community, don't even think about trespassing. Because the police here have the authority to do more than just tickle offenders or make like a tennis umpire and issue misconduct warnings. In this community, they have the authority to say "Book him, Danno."

Flyswatter Holder/Tactile Weapon

2011-04-14T21:30:00.000+05:30

So, they just couldn't find a better place for those flyswatters? I have my doubts that the extinguisher even works but on the off chance that it does and is needed, this setup may not be optimal. I guess the other option is that this is just the newest approach to killing flies.

OMG!

2011-04-12T18:49:00.002+05:30

Correspondent Griff snapped this and sent it to me.

TMZ did not mention that Prince is PREGNANT...

But Airplanes Don't Need Bridges...

2011-04-08T02:28:00.001+05:30

Today's picture comes courtesy of our newest correspondent, Frankie (AKA Monster).

You will probably need to click the picture to enbiggen in order to read the sign. For those who don't have the strength or motivation to enbiggen it, the sign reads "BRIDGE OUT" which definitely is important enough to warrant a sign. However this critical hazard warning is posted about 25 feet up, which isn't particularly eye catching. The best part of this scene is that there never was a bridge; this is a low-water crossing. So in summary, this is a picture of a sign which is inconveniently located and is lying about it's subject.

No Carbonated Drinks or BB Guns

2011-04-05T23:10:00.000+05:30

Here is another sign I saw on my recent road trip. This was at a national park. I assume it is trying to convey "No Alcohol or Firearms" but I'm not sure. A quick Google search for "no alcohol sign" displays a number of different designs, but nothing like this one. For all I know only mixed drinks are prohibited. One shouldn't have to guess at the meaning of a sign, especially one that could be as (potentially) important as this one.

I Wanna Be A Cowboy

2011-03-31T21:56:00.000+05:30

Field correspondent Shu comes through once more...

He writes: I've never considered converting, but how can anyone resist this? Granted, I never knew that "Git along little dogies" was scripture. Do congregants park their horses in the parking lot or are there pews designed for the horses? Do congregants keep their hats on during services, which would be consistent with many religions? Cowboy up. Amen."

Ready For A Trainwreck

2011-03-30T02:53:00.000+05:30

What you are looking at here, ladies and gentlemen, is literally a truckload of spine boards. These are usually used transport people with traumatic spinal injuries. Why this truck is packed to overflowing with them is an answer I cannot provide. Maybe there is a bustling trade in second-hand spine boards and I was just not aware of it. I just hope they weren't stolen from those in need. I'm imagining a writhing, moaning pile of people with broken backs and that is just not right.

One Little Missing Letter...

2011-03-25T18:56:00.000+05:30

I was buying donuts for the coworkers when I saw this sign (click the picture to enbiggen). It's amazing how excluding a single letter can change a simple request into a disturbing statement. Is anyone else bothered by the phrase "Please us a tissue"?

Please Move Three Feet To The Right

2011-03-23T19:08:00.000+05:30

Correspondent Stroker sent this picture to me.

Click the picture to enbiggen. No confusion going on here. PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE ASHTRY IMMEDIATELY TO YOUR RIGHT!!! Perhaps it's a psychology experiment, hoping that the smokers will be so confused that they just quit. Mayhap it is an art project commenting on the dichotomy of healthcare in America today and how people are caught in the middle. Or maybe, just maybe, the manager of that building has mental dwarfism.

Squirrels Gone Wild

2011-03-18T21:27:00.004+05:30

I recently went on a road trip out west with my father and brother. One of the places we visited was the Grand Canyon. In the tour bus were various banners, including the one above (click the picture to enbiggen). This sign has a perfectly reasonable request: don't feed the animals. What caught my attention was the small brown sign in it. Let's take a closer look, shall we?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is a depiction of a cute squirrel taking a large clunk out of a finger with stylized drops of blood. I'm pretty sure I've never seen a sign that is simultaneously so cute and so graphic at the same time.

Soooo, Parking There Is Required?

2011-03-15T20:29:00.003+05:30

A coworker sent this to me. This sign is on the entrance to the parking lot of a local pizza establishment that has been around for ever. The reason it has made it here isn't the witty text at the bottom (though that is worth a read), but the "No Parking Prohibited" on the right hand sign. I'm sure it's supposed to say that the list of vehicles is prohibited, but that's just not how it's written. What it states is that those vehicles are prohibited from not parking there. I wonder how that ordinance got passed...

Maybe His Superpower Is X-ray Vision

2011-03-02T03:54:00.004+05:30

FieryK's friend "P" sent me another.
He writes: "This guy was sitting across from me on the plane. It's so bizarre I don't even know how to describe it. Does he take his glasses off his head and put them over his eyes when he wants to sleep? Does he wear the sleep mask when he drives?"

Editor's note: The crowning touch is the earplugs. He certainly doesn't want to be disturbed while he is pretending to read.

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Goats But Were Afraid To Ask

2011-02-25T00:07:00.005+05:30

I cannot remember which office I was in when I spied this, but I knew it had to be documented. Click the picture to enbiggen. Where to begin on this? Let's start with the "Plus" section. I'm curious about the history lesson and exactly where the goats have made it to. Moving onto the "How To..." section, you can learn to make soap from goat milk, but apparently the cheese is made from the goat itself. The best article, however, has to be "How to have fun with your goats." Isn't that illegal in most of the United States?

Lizzie Borden's Valentine

2011-02-19T02:02:00.004+05:30

Correspondent TMDA snapped this image and sent it my way.

This is just odd. First, is it even legal to sell "Mary's Mystery Box?" And how about the free gift with every order: a Here's Mary knife. If that doesn't scream Jack Nicholson from The Shining, I don't know what does. Who says that romance is dead? For only $22.00, you too can celebrate with cutlery and the embodiment of Pandora...

The Creepest Flyer EVAR

2011-02-16T01:42:00.002+05:30

I found this whilst on vacation. Allow me to summarize: this person received some money as a Christmas gift and would like to use it to purchase a gun. Not a particular gun, pretty much any gun. He or she isn't even picky about whether it is a handgun or rifle. Just give them something that SHOOTS!!! I considered keeping an eye on the local newspapers to see if there was a shooting spree, but I would have felt involved somehow.

World's Most Dangerous Urinal

2011-02-10T22:10:00.002+05:30

So this is one that you will definitely have to enbiggen. The reason this picture is here isn't the fact that it is covered in a plastic bag. I'm not sure that the caution tape would be enough to make it a What The Foto. What gets this posted is what is printed on the tape: "CAUTION! NO ONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 YEARS IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH OR OPERATE THIS BALER." I'm glad they identified that object, because I would have mistaken it for an actual urinal. There is no way I want my penis anywhere near a baler, especially one in disguise.

Black & Decker Acquire Ownership Of Halloween

2011-02-09T00:26:00.002+05:30

I purchased a set of nutdrivers (heh) the other day and this is the packaging (click the picture to enbiggen). Focus your attention on the text to the left of the bar code: "Orange and Black is trademark of The Black & Decker Corporation." Unless I'm pretty far off base, black and orange have be associated with Halloween for a long time now. Does this mean that we will have to start paying royalties to B&D at the end of each October. At least we can hope this ends the reign of those crappy black and orange peanut butter kisses.

"Clean" Is A Verb In This Instance

2011-02-04T19:50:00.004+05:30

Field correspondent Shu comes through once again.

There's too much good stuff here just for one witty comment:

1. Apu was disappointed that nobody volunteered to sign up for bathroom duty. He figured that at least Ol' Gil would step up to the plate. Er, bowl.

2. AAA has rated this men's room as The Worst Public Restroom In The World.

3. Don't worry about that silly notion of aiming for the bowl. They don't care.

4. If you stop at a public restroom and the inspection chart is blank, hold it in until the next restroom.

5. That sign is a clean slate, in contrast to the floors.

Feel free to add your contributions in the comments.

Clearly An Impenetrable Barrier

2011-02-01T22:05:00.005+05:30

Seems like I’ve had a number of excuses for not posting, including the fact that I was on vacation last week, but no more! I shall return to my semi-regular, frequently semi-weekly postings starting with…

I saw this a couple of weeks ago in the parking lot of a local grocery store (click the picture to enbiggen). I appreciate the intention, to prevent patrons from driving into a large pothole, however the execution is sorely lacking. Let’s see here, there is the haphazard arrangement of the carts, the plastic cart from a different store and (my favorite) the yellow caution tape holding it all together. If that doesn’t limit their liability I don’t know what would.

One-Day Heatwave

2011-01-20T23:05:00.004+05:30

Sorry I have been absent. Work, blah, blah, blah.... This one comes from Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq.

I'm surprised that there will be rain on Friday. Looks a bit warm for that. And for those who know me, the only thing that's missing is Godzilla.

Multi-Lingual Pun

2011-01-11T07:30:00.006+05:30

First of all, this is a real product? Click the picture to enbiggen to get the full effect. I do understand the concept why this product COULD exist, but not why it SHOULD exist. There is still the window when the diaper is off and the "wee blocker" isn't on yet. Why isn't there something for that? And the "Ooops" embroidery is especially nice. But the best thing about this product is what Little O’s Dad asked me: "What actually holds it in place?"

Shocking!

2011-01-05T21:53:00.002+05:30

Let me set the scene here: I'm in a bar and it is NOT Halloween. He was happy to let me take his picture. That's all the info I have about this guy. Discuss.

Stephen King Was On To Something...

2010-12-30T22:04:00.003+05:30

This sign was recently put up at a cemetery that I pass every day. Click the picture to enbiggen. Does anyone else find this a creepy as I do? Yes, I get the whole afterlife connotation, but that isn't what it is actually stating. It is claiming to have "Pet Cemetery" like properties. I don't know about you, but the last thing I want in a cemetery is resurrection. I guess this is how the zombie apocalypse will begin.

Jesus Croaker

2010-12-28T20:48:00.001+05:30

Here is another contribution from Shu.

Perhaps this sign is the restaurant's way of wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and advertising a fish dinner special. Or maybe they're six months early or six months late in sending birthday wishes to a 15 1/2 year-old named Jesus Croaker.

Kids These Days Will Eat Anything

2010-12-21T20:36:00.005+05:30

Here what I consider an example of a classic What The Foto. I was in a gift/jewelry/candle/gourmet food shop the other day when I found these. This is a stamp for sealing envelopes with wax. The first thing I noticed is that these items have a net weight (click the picture to enbiggen) because clearly this is the type of thing that is sold by the pound.

So, on to the back...

This is one of the more frightening warnings I have read. Keep away from water AND fire. Keep away from children and pets. Do not ingest?!?! THIS IS NOT A TOY. NON-EDIBLE! How many people have been killed by these things? I guess that it is possible that the stamp could be eaten by a child (it's about the size as a nickel) but that handle is almost six inches long. Someone would have to be pretty determined to get that into their esophagus.

Holiday Guilt Trip

2010-12-16T20:27:00.001+05:30

Our newest field reporter, Poppa G, found this and sent it my way. You are welcome to click the images if you wish to enbiggen them.

This is the front of a postcard he received. Fine, nothing too odd about it other than Nancy is kind of all over the place with her wish list. Then you flip the postcard over...

REALLY?!??! Don't disappoint your children?!? In case you can't tell, this of those "sure we'll give you money, but it will cost you" places. Way to take advantage of parents who already are having a difficult time. Because it doesn't matter if you if can afford it or not, you gotta buy $#!+ this time of year. And thus, the prostitution of Christmas is complete.

P.S. I almost didn't redact the name of the company who mailed this out as they truly deserve as much ridicule as can be sent their way.

There's An App For That

2010-12-15T00:35:00.003+05:30

Really? An iPhone app for hot sauce? Technically it's an app for finding hot wing restaurants, not for finding Frank's hot sauce but I don't know if that makes it better or worse. I'm pretty sure that Goggle Maps can handle that type of request quite nicely. I think it's time to get a grip on this whole app-for-everything-under-the-sun approach. Speaking of getting a grip, where is my app to find a high quality adult store?

Portable Towel Rack

2010-12-11T00:48:00.004+05:30

Yet another entry from Bat... Click the picture to enbiggen.
As if the random assortment of self stick reflectors wasn't enough to trick out this Pontiac Grand Prix. No, no, nonononono… what this ride really needs is a gold towel bar mounted on the trunk spoiler! How many times have you been showering in the garage and you just can’t find anyplace to hang your damn towel??!! I know, right? Problem solved.

Now, where to mount the toilet paper bar cuz I’ma have to $#!+ as soon as I get home… hmmmmmmm

Do ROTC Students Eat Free?

2010-12-08T22:35:00.003+05:30

This is what happens when you aren't clear on your signage: you end up on What The Foto. We found this when we stopped at a restaurant on the way down to our last float trip. I'm sure the student and military receive separate discounts. However, what this literally says is that students receive an additional 10% off whatever the military discount is. So since ROTC students are both, do they continue to keep applying one discount on top of the other until their bill is zero?

Close To The Hospital!

2010-12-04T00:28:00.001+05:30

Shu sent this my way...

A point of reference is always helpful. And being in close proximity to medical facilities is never a bad thing. But this restaurant's marketing department might want to come up with a new slogan, especially if they want to be known for their wings and not be perceived as a restaurant where medical attention is necessary after eating.

Maybe It's A Flomax Dispenser

2010-11-30T19:13:00.002+05:30

Correspondent Bolo sent this one my way. It's a bit subtle but read the name of the product mounted above the urinal. Now, I know that it is a deodorizing system but there are two things wrong with it. First, there isn't any tubing from it to the urinal so it's pretty much just a decoration. Secondly, it is named DRIPMASTER. I think they chose that name to be particularly cruel to those guys who are shy pee-ers.

Now Featuring Volume Control and Power Switch!

2010-11-24T02:44:00.002+05:30

This product is a little hard to explain. It is apparently an FM radio that is basically a poster (click the image to enbiggen). It's a gimmick and it is basically embracing that. Why it has ended up here is the bulleted list of "features". Tune in your favorite FM stations: okay I can live with this though I have some serious doubts about its antenna. The last one, Volume Control, is starting to stretch it. It's the On/Off Switch bullet that I have a problem with. Isn't that the bare minimum of any radio? If this thing cannot be turned on, it's just a poster. If it can't be turned off, it's one of those annoying speaker birthday cards.

Ejaculate & Evacuate

2010-11-19T21:09:00.005+05:30

This is a chain of convenience stores in the area. I'm not sure who decided that this is the best name for a business. I get the gist: Get in and out quickly. But, really? Were the founders really that clueless? Or is this simply a joke that somehow has lasted? And the spelling is nice as well. Since I try to keep this site safe for work, I will end my post here but feel free to add your thoughts in the comments.

I Guess I Do Worship Beer

2010-11-17T21:31:00.005+05:30

The other day I was served a beer on top of this coaster (click the picture to enbiggen). I didn't think much about it at first, then the phrase "alternative worship service" caught my eye. Apparently, there is a church that is REALLY reaching out to the sinners. I'm pretty sure that this is the first time I have seen a worship service advertised in a bar. And directly underneath my beer no less. That is targeted marketing. BTW, I have no idea what was redacted with the magic marker; it was that way when I got it.

Engrish: Close But No Cigar

2010-11-12T20:31:00.002+05:30

I love products that are made in countries where English is not the primary language. Here is an example of that (click the picture to enbiggen). This one got most things right, but there are a couple things that are just off the mark. Let's start at the top: "Like real BBQ firelight & grillsound!" Like real? OMG! It is sooooo bitchin'! And while "firelight" is a real English word, "grillsound" is not. The best part is the food they included: steak and hamburger steak (a little redundant), cheese (okay), 2 bread (not buns?), a sausage (I guess that happens) and a cucumber (completely missed the target with that one). Gives an interesting insight on how other countries imagine our cookouts to be.

Trash For Sale!!!

2010-11-10T02:51:00.001+05:30

FieryK's friend "P" took this picture and sent it my way.

Ever found yourself wandering endlessly around the grocery store, getting more and more frustrated because, while the milk, eggs, and bread are easy enough to find, you really need to stock up on trash and they always put it in the darnedest places? Finally, a store that feels your pain. There's the trash aisle! It's aisle 14. And right next to the air fresheners - how thoughtful!

Did The Duke Ever Go Directly To Jail?

2010-11-04T21:55:00.003+05:30

Correspondent Bat sends in another...
John F-ing Wayne of the United F-ing States of America has a Monopoly game named after him. A collector’s edition no doubt. What would we do without SkyMall? Pilgrim.

Editor's Note: Somehow the phrase "Buy, sell and trade the most significant properties in John Wayne's professional and personal life..." makes me feel dirty. Clearly John Wayne Enterpeises is only trying to honor him and NOT, in any way, simply trying to make a quick profit.

Mr. King, I Have A Story Idea For You

2010-11-02T18:35:00.005+05:30

We played laser tag for TMDA's birthday recently. In addition to the tagging via laser beams, there was an arcade. It consisted of about three games you might recognize and the rest, games like this:
I'd offer for you to enbiggen by clicking, but I don't want to be responsible for it eating your soul. Seriously, that thing pegs the Creepy Meter all the way to the right. I think you have some sort of ball that is supposed to be tossed into Big Bertha's disturbingly glowing large mouth. I say that I THINK that is the way it is played because there is no way I was going to put a quarter into that thing. I seen enough Twilight Zones to know that is how evil is unleashed on the world and I really have enough in my life to deal with at the moment.

Spot The What The Foto!

2010-10-29T01:22:00.009+05:30

This post comes via our newest correspondent, Bolo. It took me a minute to figure out why it was sent to me. Let's see if you, dear reader, can find it as well. Click to enbiggen. Go ahead, I'll wait...

---------------------------------------------------------------

So, did you find it? The astute among you will notice that I did not blur out the license plate of the vehicle centered in frame. I usually do to limit (my) liability. However, in this case, I made an exception. What makes this a What The Foto is that isn't a personalized plate. In Missouri, the license plates use the sequence: letter, letter, number, letter, number, letter (that's a zero, not an O). You would think that one wouldn't have made it off the production line. Or maybe it was a cannibal at the press...

Hands-Free Keyboard?

2010-10-21T23:05:00.002+05:30

Griff took this picture and sent it to me.
For those of you who aren't familiar with this, those silvery bags that electronics come in are used to prevent a static electrical shock from damaging the item. They are very important to protect certain electronic products from being damaged before installation. Keyboards are not one of those items that need such protection. You see, keyboards are installed in a way that they are touched quite frequently, often by people's hands. As such, they are designed to not be affected by the occasional static electricity that may happen. Maybe this is the one keyboard that was designed to never be touched...

Extra! Extra! Pepper Spray Cures Breast Cancer!

2010-10-19T19:47:00.004+05:30

I found this at a outdoors/sportsmen retailer (sorry for the blurry picture). So Sabre Maximum Strength Pepper Spray helps fight breast cancer? Just a little spritz every morning should do it. Please focus primarily on the aureole. For medial use only.

Is there nothing they won't slap that pink ribbon on? I'm sure that the fine folks at Sabre actually do donate to the Susan G. Komen foundation, but some on. I predict that by this time next year, fully 40% of the U.S. economy will be pink ribbon and breast cancer awareness related.

Maybe It's A Delivery Vehicle

2010-10-14T20:46:00.003+05:30

Our newest correspondent, Stroker (or rather Stroker's friend) captured this and sent it my way.
I'm not sure if this is an awareness thing or what, but it sure is odd. Let's see here, it is written in some sort of blue paint, so they wanted it to be permanent. It hasn't been washed off, so it doesn't seem to be a prank. There is an American flag in the background, so it must be patriotic. I'm just not putting the pieces together.

P.S. They prefer to be called "little people".

So, It's Okay To Do That In The Pool?

2010-10-12T23:43:00.003+05:30

This picture was taken by our newest correspondent, Shu. He writes:

This is an overhead view of a hotel swimming pool in Las Vegas. I guess we should all be grateful that the hotel owner lets everyone know up front what bodily function he performs in his pool.

Editors note: I wonder if there is a sign nearby that reads "Welcome to the iPool. Notice that there is I P in it. Let's keep it that way."

How Many Is That?

2010-10-06T21:40:00.004+05:30

This clock is hanging on the wall of correspondent Bat's living room. What is that number between 3 and 5 (click to enbiggen)? If I know my Roman numerals (and I do) that doesn't represent any known number. Now I wonder why the manufacturer used IIII instead of the more traditional (and correct) IV. Maybe they didn't have quite enough room to squeeze it in the space they alloted, though that could have easily been adjusted. Maybe they thought that it looked more "artsy", though they did use Vs properly on the other numbers. Or just maybe they didn't know any better, which I personally think is the case. If they only had some way of researching the correct format...

I Blame the Mormons

2010-09-30T21:19:00.004+05:30

Sorry for not posting on Tuesday; damn job is seriously infringing on my personal life. Anywho, this comes from Momosan. It should be mentioned that she was in Utah when she took these pictures. She writes:
I apologize for the poor quality of the first photo. The gentleman behind the counter seemed peeved that I was, I'm sure it appeared, about to take a picture of him, so I rushed it and ended up with a blurry shot.

So, you'll notice that the dispenser is labeled "multi-purpose spoons". Since the fork and knife dispensers were simply labeled "fork" and "knife" I assumed that these were some kind of special spoons, perhaps even sporks! We were in a little cafeteria-type place that served a variety of foods, so that made sense to me. I didn't need a spoon for my Diet Coke, but I had to see what kind of modifications had been made to make these spoons so multi-functional. As you can see in the next photo, I was sorely disappointed.

Now, I don't really understand much about Mormons outside of their special undergarments and their history with bigamist hebephiles. Do their laws go so far as to dictate the use of silverware? "Ice cream and soup? No, surely not." Maybe they're implying that the average tourist is too stupid to see the multiple uses for them. "Debbie, I've got sherbet, pudding and a dish of peas on this here tray...better get a different utensil for each."

Get 'Em Started Early

2010-09-24T02:29:00.004+05:30

QueenBee found this and sent it to me (click picture to enbiggen). She writes "I found this at ***A Major Retailer***. They are cups with characters on them and a ping pong ball that looks like an eye ball. ***The Major Retailer*** has decided to teach kids how to master beer pong at an early age!

Editor's note: The tag line on the box states "So easy, it's impossible". If you have ever played beer pong, you will agree. As an aside, that would be one large cup of beer to drink...

Not For 0-3 Unhappy Onions

2010-09-21T22:49:00.002+05:30

I wrote about my miniature Stonehenge in an earlier post, but I never really noticed the side of the box it came in. Of course that symbol means "not for children under the age of three" but it's just weird. I'm not sure who refers to their baby as being zero. Also, why does the "child" look like an onion. And why is he (she?) so unhappy about not being able to play with the Stonehenge? So, in summary, never give a miniature model of Stonehenge to less than three unhappy onions. This PSA brought to you by the concerned folks at What The Foto.

Hospitals Can Create A Sticky Situation

2010-09-17T19:35:00.003+05:30

WiskeyGirl sent this one my way. She writes: "I just cannot understand why they did not put patient pick up there rather than discharge. It is on a hospital for goodness sakes.. of course I am going to think of some bodily fluid if they have discharge posted."

(Editor's note) This is the kind of picture I love because it opens the door for so many puns.
- If the patient is still discharging, they probably shouldn't be released.
- Is this the emergency room for a priapism?
- HELLLOOOOO NURSE!!!
- Is that entrance supposed to be that color?
- That is the most appropriate usage of a "Do Not Enter" sign ever.

Feel free to add yours in the comments.