Diaper Surprise!

Field correspondent Mrs. ExplodyBones found this and sent it my way (sorry it took so long to post).  Click the picture to enbiggen.

There is sooooo much wrong with this product.  Apparently this doll's name is "Peanut Big Top".  Odd, but whatever.  And her eyes are buttons with eye lashes.  Then, of course, there are the phrases "Diaper Surprise" and "I Magically Poop Charms!".  The diapers themselves have pictures which "Magically Appear Again and Again".  But I think the most disturbing thing is the expression on the face of the little girl as she discovers the diaper surprise:

Be Patriotic!

Longtime correspondent, Griz, found this at a major home improvement store and sent this my way on the day before Lincoln's birthday. For those who aren't in the know.  He lives in a southern-ish state...

I voted!  Unfortunately they were all out of stickers.  Also, today is a state holiday celebrating such loyal patriots as Robert E Lee and "Stonewall" Jackson. Conveniently occurring one business day before the day honoring of no doubt one of their biggest and most ardent fans.  But it was election season after all and I had to cast a straight ticket vote for the Green Party. Unfortunately that day the brown party won in an absolute landslide. Nobody stuck around for the airing of the victory speech, I can tell you that much.  It was a real groaner.

The Way To A Woman's Heart Is Through Her Hairy Chest

I saw this among all of the other Valentine's Day candy.

So, yeah, this exists.  A furry, heart-shaped box full of (one has to assume) beef jerky. The ideal way to end a relationship on St. Valentine's Day.