Louis Armstrong: Scatology Instructor

Momosan stumbled across this sight in a downtown shop window. While appears to be an odd subject for a book, it becomes even stranger when you realize that this is NOT a vintage book. It was published less than a year ago. So now we have a book with a bizarre subject that was published about 4 decades too late to be timely. Wait, it gets better! Here is the description from the publisher's website: "In a CRACKITY-SNAPPITY-POPPITY-POP bubblegum dream, a young girl learns to scat from the master himself, Louis Armstrong!" Okaaaaayyy...

I can’t think of a better gift for a 5-to-9-year-old child. Christmas is in the bag this year!

(Sorry for those of you who were hoping for a poop joke. This blog is way too highbrow to sink to that level.)

Precious Cheese

Just a picture of an Asian man wearing a t-shirt that says "Precious Cheese." I don't think that any additional comments are necessary. Click to enbiggen.

Different Tax Brackets

I went out to lunch the other day with a friend, and lo the menu had a bounty of choices, we ended up ordering the same thing. When the bills came, we were presented with this (click to enbiggen): my tax was one penny more than his. Now I don't know if they called the IRS to determine my annual wages (I not have an accountant or they would have called them first) or just assumed my affluence from my garish attire (those who know me personally just chuckled), but they definitely assumed that I needed to pay slightly more in taxes than my companion. Just another example of the Man sticking it to me (and not in that way, Dr. Mac).

My Kingdom for a Decimal Point

Yet another submission from Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq.

Not the greatest submission ever, but it made me do a lot of math. So I'm watching the news at lunch and see a commercial for a local hotel, and it pans to their lovely pool. Something stuck out that made me back up the DVR and look again. The pool is 3ft.09M deep. Huh First, lets pick a unit and go with it. Second, does the period go to abbreviate feet, or to indicate .09. If so, then the pool is either 3 ft. or 09 M deep. 9 Meters equals 29.5275521 feet. Can't be that. Maybe it is .09 meters - nope, that would only be 3.54330708 inches. I think it is supposed to be 0.9 meters, which would be a pretty close conversion to 3 feet. Seems like an important place to do your math correctly though.

Do Not Apply Vibrators

I saw this on a rail car while waiting for my Amtrak ride last weekend (click to enbiggen). It reads:

DO NOT HAMMER ON CAR

Warning

Do not apply vibrators

to any part of car body

except vibrator brackets.

Use on loaded car only.

Now we all know what it is trying to say, but since I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old, it sure made me laugh. The only thing that would have made this warning better is if the first "car" had been omitted and the word "brackets" would have been changed to "holes".

Emphasis on the Word "Sub"

I went to lunch the other day and saw this sign on the door. I have no idea what criteria make a police sub station. There were no cells, no dispatchers, no forms. There wasn't even a single police office. So how does a location become a police sub station? And what is supposed to happen at one? Maybe every place ever visited by a police officer can claim to be a sub station. In that case, I officially live in the safest neighborhood in America.

Baby Hanging Station

This is another picture provided by Griff.

This is a convenience provided to help parents who are on the go and cannot put up with the damn kids for another minute. When you just can't wait until you get home to hang your progeny, insist on the Koala Bear Kare® Baby Hanging Station. The most trusted name in baby hanging equipment.

Illegal Limousine Solicitation

I was taking a cab during my last trip and saw this notice on the taxi door (click to enbiggen). I understand the first three items (Compliment? Lost Property? Complaint?), but it's that third one that confuses me (Illegal Limousine Solicitation?). Maybe I'm just not the target demographic for such actions, but I've never once had anyone pull me aside and say "Psst! Hey buddy. You're not a cop are you? Want a limo ride?" Is this such a problem in America's cities that they actually have to create a hotline for it? And keep in mind that this sign is inside the vehicle, so by the time you read it, it is too late. Because there is nothing worse than someone offering you a ride in an opulent vehicle thereby making you the envy of everyone around.