Maybe a Bad Idea

This scene comes courtesy of a local “tearoom and bistro” (whatever the hell that means). The observant will have already noticed why this picture is here. For those who are a bit on the slow side, allow me to elucidate. Note that there is a computer just to the right of the monitor cleverly hidden behind the “Open Mic Night” sign. Also note the orientation of this computer. It took every ounce of my will power to resist pressing that power button. Or popping a porn-filled CD into the drive (not that I carry one with me at all times. Yet.) Obviously the solution isn’t simply turning it around as all those cords would also present an irresistible temptation. There’s a reason these things are usually located in a secure location. That reason is usually me.

Additional Services Not Included

So, Momo received this mysterious gift certificate in the mail the other day. She is a patient of this dentist, however she did not recognize the name of the person who she (apparently) referred. While that is a bit strange, it in no way holds a candle to the bizarre disclaimer at the bottom. It starts out all normally enough "whitening is not a specialty which requires blah, blah, blah…" But then (and you have to click to enbiggen this one), the "doctors are not specialists in prosthodontics, orthohontics, TAXIDERMY, or PILOTING DIRIGIL". First, the entire Interweb has never heard of the word “dirigil”, at least not in English. Secondly, and much more importantly, what in the hell is going on at that practice which requires them to say they do not perform taxidermy?!? You know there was some event that led to that particular disclaimer. That’s the kind of story one just has to hear.

Cajun Style!

I know how to be seated “Family Style” or even “Indian Style” but “Cajun Style” eludes me. Am I supposed to play the washboard before being seated? Flash my tasty tatas? (you can clearly see in the reflection that my tatas are anything buy “tasty”) Buy a sump pump? (too soon?) It is unfair to make such a request without further clarification. That’s how wars get started…

Sexy New Girls Friend

I was out and about at lunch when I happened across this. It’ a little difficult to read (click for enbiggened goodness), but it says “Sexy” (on the side window) and “New Girls Friend” (on the rear). As usual, I have absolutely no insight as to what this supposed to mean. Mayhap it is a misquote from the movie Sixteen Candles: Long Duk Dong “Ooh. Sexy Girlfriend.” Or maybe it’s just another one of those things intended to assist my steady descent into insanity.

Polling Place Crime Scene

This is a picture of where I cast my ballot yesterday. The signs read "No Campaigning Within 25 Feet.” The yellow tape reads “No Campaigning Zone.” While I understand the need to limit campaigning at polling locations, is it necessary to make it look like a crime scene? Note that the tape is attached to the door handles. I was a little afraid I might find dead bodies inside. In reality, while they were very old, they were not quite dead.

Keep Her Happy!

This ad campaign is by one of the (many) mobile home retailers in my area (click to enbiggen). This picture is beautiful for several of reasons:
1. They obviously embrace stereotypes; what with the hair curlers, robe and pointing finger (should have snuck a cigarette in there)
2. The mobile home is up on blocks and looks precariously close to falling to the left
3. The use “doubles” instead of “double-wide” to make it seem more classy
4. They are implying that a double-wide mobile home is the key to wedded bliss

Bathroom Invasion

This was spotted at the local deep-fried fish chain restaurant. Whenever I see a sign like this, I have to wonder to myself, “how many times did someone get intruded on before management got involved?” The bathroom is a “one-holer” so it should be common sense to lock the door in any case. I do like the fact that it is a command, rather than a request. This implies that one would get in trouble if one failed to lock the door upon entering. Perhaps management would be forced to eject the offender for not to following their policy. That would make for an interesting police blotter: “11:32 AM: Local man removed from restaurant for failing to lock restoom door.”

The Definition of a WTFoto

Wow. Just really, wow. This beauty is a piece of “art” that currently stands outside of The Elk Hunter’s previous place of employ. Seriously, I have no idea what to say about it. Apparently art has devolved into gigantic (it’s close to 10 feet tall) cartoon-ish insect statues. I’m not sure what the sign says. It may be the “artist’s” name. It might be a sales tag. Then again, it could be an apology.

What's In a Name?, Part Deux

Standard disclaimer: my phone camera sucks. I’ve passed this business many times and this sign never fails to make me laugh. So why did it take me so long to get a picture of it up here? If you can’t make it out (click to enbiggen) it is the shingle sign for one Dr. Hug, Chiropractor. “So, you say your back is bothering you. Well, come over here and let me get my arms around you…” ***CRACK***

A Whole New Meaning of “Porking”

The town where I live has an annual BBQ/music festival, and I’m usually on one of the pit crews. It is a lot of fun and provides for some excellent people watching. Whilst out on a foray during the last one, I stumbled across this vendor’s trailer. It certainly is funny, but there is a decided creepiness about it. I’m not sure if it is the blonde’s smile, the camera-pig’s leer, the beer-bottle-shaped barbeque bottles, or the fact that the flasher is apparently missing 7 pairs of mammary glands. Perhaps it’s the implication of what exactly the proprietors are doing to their pigs.