When You Love Your Dad Enough to Give Him Shredded Wood

While the original intention of Father’s Day was honorable, everyone knows that it (and Mother's Day for that matter) has just become a holiday for the retail industry. These days, pretty much every store has a "Father's Day Sale" with the intention of getting people to buy Dad more crap he doesn't need. This however, takes things to a whole new level. What exactly is the message one would convey by purchasing mulch for Father's Day? Seriously, I’m at a loss here. One would have to be completely out of gift ideas to settle on mulch. "I love you Dad! Here’s your gift. Now get your ass outside and do some yard work."

In Case of Fire, Haul Ass

I have always been told that in a emergency situation, one should not panic. Apparently there are exceptions to that rule. Like when one is exiting a burning building down a flight of stairs. I love this picture because I have never seen a stick figure express so much emotion without any facial features. His head is down, his arms are swinging wildly and he appears to have actually jumped from the stairs in his hurry. And while it may seem like a good idea to move that fast, in reality this is much more likely to happen:

Random Cat

So we were setting our Wii up to connect to the Internet and this message popped up as it was finalizing the configuration. In case you are missing the point of this picture, there is a small back cat on top of the message box. If you moved the cursor, the cat’s head would follow. Now, I understand that companies like to use little gimmicks to keep customers entertained, but a tiny cat on top of a message box seems particularly random to me. The best part of this WTFoto is that, if you own a Wii, you can replicate it yourself. Go!

Super GIGA Beef

This guest post comes from Griff, who always has an eye for detail…

I was in Ft. Leonard Wood recently and saw this: 2o inches of BEEF! The Super GIGA pack. I’m worried about the military because the soldiers must be starving if it takes this much dried meat to feed them. In the old days, they made small jackets out of that much hide. I almost bought one but I didn't have 11 freaking dollars.

Ed.: Please note that Griff cleverly used his hand to provide scale to this meat-trocity. Further note how many are hanging there. I'm not sure if that means Super GIGA Beef is extremely popular or if they haven't sold any.

Is That Supposed to Say Diseased?

As we bid a fond ado to the ghosts of WTFotos past, I present this:

I understand what they are trying to get at but what an odd name for a business. Wouldn’t "Pet Mortuary" or "Pet Funeral Home" be more appropriate? I mean, you never see "Deceased Loved One Care". Almost sounds like they are suggesting that they can raise the pet from dead. And how bourgeoisie does one have to be to bring your dead animal to a place like this? I love my pets, but spending hundreds (maybe thousands) of dollars after they die isn't going to make me feel any better. But, again, maybe I’m just different…

In Case You Can't Tell, That Is a Fish

Continuing my series from yesteryear is this picture that took in Atlanta years ago. We saw this, shall I say, protrusion from several miles away and could not make out what it was (click to enbiggen). It took us getting this close to determine that it was not, actually, a gigantic phallus.

Please excuse the artistic angle of the camera. That was certainly not done to make the fish look more erect.

Psssst! Hams!

I recently found some photos I took a number of years ago which just beg to be posted, so I will present a mini-series in three parts.

We saw this beauty in Oklahoma when we were on the way to Texas once. To me, this does not look like an advertisement so much as someone is trying to "out" the hams. Are the hams for sale? Is this some sort of Ham Museum? Is this just intended as a FYI for anyone who might be wondering "Hmmm, I wonder what is in that building"? Luckily they have to wonder no longer!

I particularly like that fact that it looks like it was written by a 10 year old. And what is up with the fact that only the letter 'i' is in lowercase? Maybe it is some sort of code that I have yet to crack. Because THAT level of intelligence seems likely...

My Sister’s Nightmare

This picture of a local "fashion shop" (click to enbiggen) is another one courtesy of got.river.

Okay, there a LOT of stuff going on here. First, what in the holy hell is going on with that creepy clown? I understand that the owner is trying to keep with the theme of the shop (see the weird dog bone shaped sign in the clown's crotch), but do they have to give us the heebie-jeebies while doing it? Secondly, there is nothing more natural than a clown sitting on a pig; happens every day in this area of the country. Apparently. And how about that trombone, to the right of nightmare clown? I sure hope that whoever buys it has their tetanus shots up to date. Luckily the stuff in the foreground is so captivating or I would have to mention the fashion atrocities in the upper left corner…

Tastes Like a Dead Snake Smells

I try to keep this blog work friendly but... Holy Shit! Ladies and gentlemen, I hate to say this, but that is a picture of a bottle of alcohol with a F*KING SNAKE IN IT! And when I say alcohol, I don't mean isopropyl, it's vodka (I think). A&W's friend Mad Dawg brought this and several others like it back from Vietnam. Apparently this is similar to tequila but instead of a worm, there's a gigantic cobra in it. And people drink it. Mad Dawg stated that if anyone opened the bottle, they would be required to drink the entire thing. I am to understand that it would be unpleasant (see post title).

As an added bonus, the container it is in is a war-era blood transfusion bottle. How morbidly appropriate.

The Fine Art of Subtlety

In the final installment of my billboard miniseries, I’d like to share with you what happens when a company fully embraces the true purpose of advertisement. No tiptoeing around the subject, no beating around the bush, just "Hire our limo and get laid!" With as absurd as this billboard is, I do have to begrudgingly give a little respect to the company. They know what works.