Vampire T-Shirt

Field correspondent Frankie received this t-shirt and snapped a picture for me.  As always, click to enbiggen.

Man, oh man, do I want to put that thing in sunlight to see what will happen. Would it burst into flames?  Melt into a puddle?  Maybe just scream and dissolve into ashes?  But don't worry, it's perfectly safe to wear...

Don't Forget To Sign The Guestbook

Here is another contribution from field correspondent Shu.

You know you can't live without an oil tank keychain.

Ballistic: Hydrants Vs Sidewalks

I saw this while driving the other day and had to turn around to take the picture.  Click the picture to enbiggen.

This is a newly constructed sidewalk.  I wonder how this kind of thing happens.  It's not like the workers who were putting in the forms didn't see the fire hydrant.  And you can't see in this picture but the sidewalk continues about 50 yards further (by the sign).  Maybe this is less of a sidewalk and more of a path to the hydrant.  And I, of course, assumed that this was an isolated incident but field correspondent Father Chaos sent me the picture below.  Maybe I need to study civil engineering to understand.

I'm Pretty Sure They Need To Change That Name

This machine might look familiar because I have posted about one before.  However, I'm showing this one for a different reason.  Please click the picture to enbiggen.

pro·to·col noun \ˈprō-tə-ˌkȯl, -ˌkōl, -ˌkäl, -kəl\: a system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed in formal situations

Of course this was found in a Men's room.  Let's take the products offered from right to left.  First we have ibuprofen; not too unusual.  In the center we have glow sticks; ummm... okay.  And finally, we have XStreme Sour Drops in 4 XTreme flavors; a liquid candy.  No.  Just no.  One should not be able to buy a food product in a restroom.  Which gets back to the definition above.  I contend that this is the opposite of "correct conduct".  I rest my case.

Go Home, Graffiti Artist, You're Drunk...

Here is another fantastic submission by field correspondent Outlaw.  I highly recommend some clickin'-to-enbiggen action.

So I stopped by a local store to browse some appliances for my upcoming move and as soon as I took my parking space, a car pulled in behind me and took the next one. Naturally the motion of the car pulling in caught my attention and I decided to wait before getting out of the car. I'm glad I did. My first glance noted that there was paint on the windows. Just so happens that the first thing I saw was a sort of stick figure complete with female anatomy, yet no hair. Hmm, this should be good... but wait, there was a child peering back at me crotch area of this stick figure. I immediately lose it and go fishing for my phone.

I decided to let the family of four clear the vehicle before taking photos. Clearly the artist was excited. "It was me" and "I'm so happy Bailey met you" was ok... for the moment, but then I see the world’s greatest dad comment. WTF indeed. Did their babysitter write all of this or something?

So I step out and looked at the back windshield. Clearly I’ve gotta take a shot at this one too. "I <3 U" and "I always win!" Something tells me that's not the babysitter. And I’m not sure what a pair of lips, the ass end of an elephant, and a steaming pile of shit has to do with ANY of this mess, but clearly this person thought that it should be added to the family sedan... Along with "HONK IF UR HORNY". Classy.

I was unable to get to the other side of the car. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed people approaching and didn't want to look suspicious snapping more photos. I hoped to get a shot once I left the store, but they were already gone. I can only hope that the other passenger window had a poorly drawn male stick figure, complete with penis, and some sort of comment about how their child was an honor student.

It's Called A Double Entendre

I saw this coffee cup at a home decor store owned by very religious people (no, not that one).

This was sitting amid cherubs, crucifixes, and numerous frames containing variations on "Bless This House".  You would think someone who has such strong beliefs would realize that the phrase "Plan B" might have more than one meaning.  Or that someone would have pointed it out to them.  What I like best about this item is which words are emphasized.

So,THAT'S How A Door Works

I saw this in the restroom of a local restaurant.  Click on the picture to enbiggen.

Are you telling me it is going to take me two separate steps in order to extract myself from this room?  That is unacceptable!!!  Yes, this sign was on the INSIDE of the restroom.  That means one would have had to turn the handle and push in order to enter.  Apparent the concept of reversing the order of those actions is beyond enough people that the proprietors had to put up instructions.  One has to assume these are the type of people who have a reminder to breathe written on their hand.

Oxymorons Go Both Ways

Field correspondent ExplodyBones sent me this fine example of a What The Foto.

Can't decide between classic or a new flavor? Why not both?  I'm sure it's new and improved.  It must use an obviously mysterious recipe.  I wonder if it contains any all-natural artificial ingredients.  Maybe we could take a group selfie with this fine product.  That would be an unreal experience, which could be perfectly bad or horribly good.  Jumbo shrimp.

Oh... Deer Anus

Field corespondent Outlaw sent me this pic and his cogent observations.

He writes:

I've been in some fierce debates about animal rights before. I'm a hunter. I don't do it often, but when I do hunt it's strictly for putting meat in the freezer. When I saw this sticker on the back window of a truck, I chuckled, but then I got to thinking about it. As an animal, wouldn't the deer be on PETA's side? I mean, unless this thing is suicidal or just plain psychotic, you'd think that it would support the organizations view on its "rights". I get the drivers point. He hunts. Shouldn't it be the silhouette of a hunter, rifle slung, standing on a deer carcass and giving the finger whilst urinating on PETA? I think that would get the point across just fine.

You Say Pepper, I Say Banana

As all good things must come to an end, so does the Griz Series.  Please click on the pictures to enbiggen.

I needed two green peppers. TWO! WHY GOD, WHY???  WHAT AM I TO DO?

I've got it!  As long as I disregard the small print, I can substitute these "golden, ripe" bananas.