Missing Your Kid? Bring Your Shovel.

Today's entry comes from our newest field correspondent Lando.  She saw this on vacation and sent it my way.

Apparently children make excellent fertilizer.  Mayhap Rick Moranis has been there and miniaturized them.  Or perhaps they are so lost that they don't even appear on camera.  In any case, one might reconsider bringing children anywhere near that tiny garden.

Editor's note:  I've been asked about the third option enough that I have to explain it.  It's a reference to The Lost Boys, the 80s movie staring Kiefer Sutherland, Jason Patric, the Coreys and various other heartthrobs.  It's about children who are vampires, which do not appear in mirrors or pictures. 

This Sign Is Not Doing Its Job

The primary purpose of installing a sign is to inform.  It may also attempt persuade, but that happens after getting the information across.  This sign is doing nothing causing confusion and taking up space.  Even knowing the fact the "BLOOMERS" is the name of the business doesn't help.  What is up with half of the sign being blank?  What's up with black lettering (the last 'G' is literally hanging off the sign)?  Why must this sign exist?

Untitled

I'm still here.  It's been a hell of a year but I'm still here.  And I'm going to do my damnedest to get back into posting on a regular basis.  That being said, one of our most prolific field correspondents, Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq., captured this and sent it my way.  Hey, look a that, you click on the picture to enbiggen.

There are so many things wrong with this sign.  First, who goes to the trouble of titling a sign 'untitled' - This isn't like the Metallica Black Album - you could just leave it blank.  And they appear to think that I don't know how to use the word 'hello' - thanks for suggesting that.  Maybe they should put a blender out there for customer service like that Ally Bank commercial.

I Have No Idea

You're on your own with this one.  Click to enbiggen.

Rubber Plant

I have a nice potted plant that I keep outside my front door.  I came home recently after a rain and was presented with this sight.

 

Huh, there is some trash in my plant.  I wonder how that got there.  It's not like my front patio is a major thoroughfare.  Then I looked a bit closer...

 

 

Yes, that is a condom.  So, my best guess is that someone purposefully walked up to my house and placed a condom into my potted plant.  Because, why not.

I'll Just Wait 'Til I Get Home...

Field correspondent Shu sent me another one.

He writes: I guess it’s cheaper to post a Wet Floor sign than it is to install commodes and urinals. Much like saving money on car repairs by sticking a piece of tape over the Check Engine light.

Why Would A Sign Lie To Us?

I saw this on one of my many recent trips.  Click on the picture to enbiggen the image. 

 

Clearly the sign on the left is lying.  The ATM is in no way inside that tiny building.  I can see it there on the right.  On the exterior.  Not inside.  Why would a sign lie?  It cuts so deeply.  I just don't want to fight with signs anymore...

Enough To Make That Native American Cry



 

This was sent to me by a coworker, T.S.  Just yet another fine example of poorly worded signs which keep me in business here.  So, y'all get to littering or pony up the $50.  Not littering will absolutely not be tolerated!

Blasphemy At Its Best

Brilliant.  Just brilliant.  The best part, in my opinion, is the fact that they call their technicians "Repair Apostles".  I wonder if they have 12 of them...

Emergency Amputation

It's been a while since we've had a submission from field correspondent Bat but he sure gave us a good one.  Click the picture to enbiggen.

 

He says: "And then your hands will be chopped off and you will bleed to death..."

Obviously the dotted red line is supposed to indicate where the handles will end up in the case you have to use the emergency exit but it sure looks like your hands will be spewing blood if lift those handles.  Maybe that's to indicate what the emergency has to be to use this exit: "If your hands are spraying blood, please feel free to exit here."