One Of This Things Is Not Like The Others

Field correspondent Shu is back with another submission.  Clickin' for enbiggen.

Shu sent this to me from Las Vegas, where they attend to any vice one may have, be it alcohol, tobacco or nuts.  My question is how nuts got top billing.  I can hear the proprietor now: "we'll draw them in with the nuts and the we can push the other stuff on them."  Nuts.

Sure.That's The Reason

I was at a chain restaurant known for excellent burgers, which also provides peanuts in the shell, when I saw this.  Click the picture to enbiggen.

I know we're part of a litigious society, but really?  Are the peanuts going to go wild and start cramming themselves down the throats of the susceptible?  And what about those with nut allergies who enter the store? Or maybe this restaurant just doesn't want the additional cost of people stocking up for snacking later.

The Stuff Birds' Nightmares Are Made Of...

I apologize for the late post this week.  Frankie had emergency surgery to remove an unruly and very angry appendix on Wednesday.  She's doing pretty well and we thank all the well wishers.

Anyway, back to What The Foto.  Today's submission  is another from regular contributor, Outlaw.  This is one that I recommend against clicking to enbiggen...

He writes:
This weekend I helped a teammate of mine remove some brush from his back yard to make way for the new fence he was putting up.  In between loads, that were being taken to the local mulch site, I walked around to the side of the house where I saw... this.

It's a bird house. No, really... it is. Someone actually MADE this... And my teammate actually BOUGHT it. Now, I know several people who hang owls outside to scare off pests. This thing damn near scared me out of the yard. No bird, init's right mind, is going to fly into the mouth of a faux fur owl and make a nest in its belly. This is what I like to call a "design fail". If there is a critter insane enough to make a home here, it should remain quite warm. The inside is lined with fur as well.

Mixed Messages

Our new field correspondent, Millersburger, snapped this most excellent picture and sent it to me.  Please click the image to enbiggen. Yes, I did blur a couple letters to keep this blog PG-13 and safe for work.

Oh, man this is just awesome!  I would love to know how many voices are swimming around in the head of this vehicle owner.  Those bumper stickers seem to be expressing sentiments that are at odds with each other.  Or, perhaps, they feel that presidential/Camelidae sodomy is an act of kindness.  It definitely qualifies as random.

Breaking Medical News!

Today's post is courtesy of Musicmannnnn (I have no idea how many ns he's using these days).  Click the pictures to enbiggen.

So I'm looking at this and wondering what's up with it.  Sure the chicken theme is weird, especially the one with the substantial gluteal area.  The "SWEET GIFT" line is a bit creepy but not WTFoto worthy.  Then I received the zoom in:

Either there is a word missing or the tobacco industry has finally figured out how much to pay the Surgeon General.

Precision Does Not Necessarily Equate To Safety

Field correspondent Outlaw is back with another good one.  Click the picture to enbiggen.

Traffic can be a pain near where I work, especially around 5:00 pm. I decided to cut through an apartment complex to cut the time. Yes, I know, you're technically not supposed to be doing that, but I'm a rebel, born to be wild, and you just can't cage me. Don't even try. However, I do try my best to be an observant driver. Check my blind spots, use my turn signal, obey the speed limit... but I simply refuse to bow to this. It's a bit absurd, don't you think? I mean, my speedometer doesn't even have individual markers to make sure that I'm actually going 9 mph. Why 9? Why not be like everyone else and make it 10? I even tried that through this particular parking lot. 10 mph is pretty flippin' slow. It's clear to me that the person managing this apartment complex is just being a dick. Who the hell goes 9 mph? Not this guy. I flew through there going 15... Take that, management...

Just Put That Anywhere

Field correspondent DoubleH send this to me a while ago.

Just because you HAVE a four wheel drive vehicle doesn't mean you have to USE the four wheel drive option.  Seriously, there is absolutely no reason this Jeep could not have fit nicely in that parking spot.  I guess they were worried about getting a door ding on the wood paneling.

No Title Needed

Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. send me this one.  Not only is no title needed, there is no comment needed either.  You're on your own with it.

Lumber-Based Clothing Is The Best

This is another two-picture, zoom-in post.  Click the pictures to enbiggen.

Last week, I took advantage of the nice weather to enjoy lunch on the patio of a locally-owned restaurant.  I noticed the above cabinet mounted on the wall.  I assume it was custom made to enclose a television.  I then noted that there is text on the bottom board.  It has the manufacturer's name and logo in the middle, nothing unusual there.  Then I noticed this text on the left-hand edge:

"PRIME ALL CUTS":  Now that is good advice.  You don't want your board to rot from the cuts you make.

"Call Kurt for a Shirt":  Uhhh, what?  I assume there was a telephone number following that statement and I would love to know what kind of shirt a lumber manufacturer would provide.

A Windowless Van's Dream

Field correspondent PackerBacker saw this scene and sent me the pics.  Click the pictures to enbiggen.

So I'm looking at this picture and wondering why I had received it as a WTFoto.  It looks like fun.  Then she sends me a close up:

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is the universal "Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Say No Evil" symbol stenciled right on the play equipment.  Now, I'm not a parent, but I'm pretty sure that a playground is one of the places where a child should report anything strange they see.  Either that, or the manufacturer of this equipment wants to make sure that kids get that free candy.

Air Conditioned Porta-Potties?

Yet another one from ExplodyBones.

I was given this picture with no explanation so I guess I'll have to extrapolate.  There is a building in the vicinity.  There are portable restrooms behind it.  Those portable restrooms have features that the sign author likes.  The sign author does not know how to properly use capitalization, punctuation, grammar or spacing.  I think that's about all there is here.  

Pawn Brokers Hate Underwear

Here's another one from field correspondent Outlaw.

So this guy cut me off on my way to work this morning. I wasn't terribly worried about it, especially when i noticed his bumper sticker as i was behind him. He started to take off from the stop sign as i was scrambling to activate the camera on my phone. If you zoom in about as far as you can go, you'll see the the sticker says "Pull your pants up". Good statement. I support this sticker. However, that's not why i tried to snap the photo. Below that statement (which you can't read) simply states the name of a local pawn shop. No connection on the shop and why they're demanding that i keep my britches hiked. I don't even know what that has to do with anything. Perhaps they've had too many thuggish customers lately, or just in the new market of absurd bumper stickers? WTF indeed.

Like They Care...

Here's another one from field correspondent Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq.

To quote Mike Meyers - you put the emPHAsis on the wrong SyLLAble.

So, do they care about me or not?  If they did, wouldn't it be "Just as we care..." I feel like I just got dissed by a 14 year old teenie bopper tree hugger.

Safety First

Long-time field correspondent, Griz, sent me this picture and the following text.

Our building management decided that the covered walkway to our parking garage needed to be repaired (and by "repaired" they meant painted with a few coats of glossy, thick and shiny paint). Unfortunately this repair work left the walkway more slippery than a bowl of fresh badger squeezings. The first day it reopened several people fell whilst shuffling across it.  After the requisite public outcry (and the tragic squeezing of innumerable badgers) the building manager responded by heroically placing three safety cones along the center of its 50 foot span. I'm not exactly sure how much less slippery it is with the cones in place, but the added trip hazard obstacle course is a delight! I feel safer already!

There's An Obesity Problem In America?

Our newest field correspondent, Neat-O (AKA K's Momma) sent me this fantastic picture.

Buffets have a lot going for them: inexpensive, variety, endless food.  There is just one problem with them; you actually have to get out of your vehicle to engorge yourself.  Not any more!  Now you can eat until you are ready to burst from the convenience of your car.  Extracting yourself from it when you get home is something you can figure out later.

Yep, That's Where They Go

This was sent to me by Mrs. ExplodyBones.  Please click the picture to enbiggen.

Rockbridge is a local high school.  This are shorts with their name on them.  That much I get.  Where I get confused is when they throw the word "butt" in there.  Has there been a rash of young people wearing their shorts on other body parts?  Do these shorts have padding to accentuate the gluteal region?  Is the manufacturer named "Butt"?  These are just a few of the questions I have.  Suggestions?

You're Dinner, Not A Number

Another submission from field correspondent Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq.

A billboard seen on the way to the river. First, this is the billboard - the contrast has not been adjusted for effect.  There is one of two things going on here.  Maybe these agents are attempting to jump on board the whole 'Twilight' vampire train.  Let's hope that's what it is.  Because the other option is that they are in White-Face, and that is just offensive.

What? Just... What?

I saw this billboard the other day and had to turn around to take a picture.  Click = enbiggen.

This is an advertisement for a funeral home.  Of everything they could highlight about their business, they went with the mints.  Because that is what everyone should make their end-of-life decisions on.  Just so bizarre.

Vampire T-Shirt

Field correspondent Frankie received this t-shirt and snapped a picture for me.  As always, click to enbiggen.

Man, oh man, do I want to put that thing in sunlight to see what will happen. Would it burst into flames?  Melt into a puddle?  Maybe just scream and dissolve into ashes?  But don't worry, it's perfectly safe to wear...

Don't Forget To Sign The Guestbook

Here is another contribution from field correspondent Shu.

You know you can't live without an oil tank keychain.

Ballistic: Hydrants Vs Sidewalks

I saw this while driving the other day and had to turn around to take the picture.  Click the picture to enbiggen.

This is a newly constructed sidewalk.  I wonder how this kind of thing happens.  It's not like the workers who were putting in the forms didn't see the fire hydrant.  And you can't see in this picture but the sidewalk continues about 50 yards further (by the sign).  Maybe this is less of a sidewalk and more of a path to the hydrant.  And I, of course, assumed that this was an isolated incident but field correspondent Father Chaos sent me the picture below.  Maybe I need to study civil engineering to understand.

I'm Pretty Sure They Need To Change That Name

This machine might look familiar because I have posted about one before.  However, I'm showing this one for a different reason.  Please click the picture to enbiggen.

pro·to·col noun \ˈprō-tə-ˌkȯl, -ˌkōl, -ˌkäl, -kəl\: a system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed in formal situations

Of course this was found in a Men's room.  Let's take the products offered from right to left.  First we have ibuprofen; not too unusual.  In the center we have glow sticks; ummm... okay.  And finally, we have XStreme Sour Drops in 4 XTreme flavors; a liquid candy.  No.  Just no.  One should not be able to buy a food product in a restroom.  Which gets back to the definition above.  I contend that this is the opposite of "correct conduct".  I rest my case.

Go Home, Graffiti Artist, You're Drunk...

Here is another fantastic submission by field correspondent Outlaw.  I highly recommend some clickin'-to-enbiggen action.

So I stopped by a local store to browse some appliances for my upcoming move and as soon as I took my parking space, a car pulled in behind me and took the next one. Naturally the motion of the car pulling in caught my attention and I decided to wait before getting out of the car. I'm glad I did. My first glance noted that there was paint on the windows. Just so happens that the first thing I saw was a sort of stick figure complete with female anatomy, yet no hair. Hmm, this should be good... but wait, there was a child peering back at me crotch area of this stick figure. I immediately lose it and go fishing for my phone.

I decided to let the family of four clear the vehicle before taking photos. Clearly the artist was excited. "It was me" and "I'm so happy Bailey met you" was ok... for the moment, but then I see the world’s greatest dad comment. WTF indeed. Did their babysitter write all of this or something?

So I step out and looked at the back windshield. Clearly I’ve gotta take a shot at this one too. "I <3 U" and "I always win!" Something tells me that's not the babysitter. And I’m not sure what a pair of lips, the ass end of an elephant, and a steaming pile of shit has to do with ANY of this mess, but clearly this person thought that it should be added to the family sedan... Along with "HONK IF UR HORNY". Classy.

I was unable to get to the other side of the car. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed people approaching and didn't want to look suspicious snapping more photos. I hoped to get a shot once I left the store, but they were already gone. I can only hope that the other passenger window had a poorly drawn male stick figure, complete with penis, and some sort of comment about how their child was an honor student.

It's Called A Double Entendre

I saw this coffee cup at a home decor store owned by very religious people (no, not that one).

This was sitting amid cherubs, crucifixes, and numerous frames containing variations on "Bless This House".  You would think someone who has such strong beliefs would realize that the phrase "Plan B" might have more than one meaning.  Or that someone would have pointed it out to them.  What I like best about this item is which words are emphasized.

So,THAT'S How A Door Works

I saw this in the restroom of a local restaurant.  Click on the picture to enbiggen.

Are you telling me it is going to take me two separate steps in order to extract myself from this room?  That is unacceptable!!!  Yes, this sign was on the INSIDE of the restroom.  That means one would have had to turn the handle and push in order to enter.  Apparent the concept of reversing the order of those actions is beyond enough people that the proprietors had to put up instructions.  One has to assume these are the type of people who have a reminder to breathe written on their hand.

Oxymorons Go Both Ways

Field correspondent ExplodyBones sent me this fine example of a What The Foto.

Can't decide between classic or a new flavor? Why not both?  I'm sure it's new and improved.  It must use an obviously mysterious recipe.  I wonder if it contains any all-natural artificial ingredients.  Maybe we could take a group selfie with this fine product.  That would be an unreal experience, which could be perfectly bad or horribly good.  Jumbo shrimp.

Oh... Deer Anus

Field corespondent Outlaw sent me this pic and his cogent observations.

He writes:

I've been in some fierce debates about animal rights before. I'm a hunter. I don't do it often, but when I do hunt it's strictly for putting meat in the freezer. When I saw this sticker on the back window of a truck, I chuckled, but then I got to thinking about it. As an animal, wouldn't the deer be on PETA's side? I mean, unless this thing is suicidal or just plain psychotic, you'd think that it would support the organizations view on its "rights". I get the drivers point. He hunts. Shouldn't it be the silhouette of a hunter, rifle slung, standing on a deer carcass and giving the finger whilst urinating on PETA? I think that would get the point across just fine.

You Say Pepper, I Say Banana

As all good things must come to an end, so does the Griz Series.  Please click on the pictures to enbiggen.

I needed two green peppers. TWO! WHY GOD, WHY???  WHAT AM I TO DO?

I've got it!  As long as I disregard the small print, I can substitute these "golden, ripe" bananas.

Ham Water??? ***shudder***

Day 6 if the Griz Series.  Supplies are getting low.  Tensions are high.  Haven't decided which of my friends to eat first.

Have things really gotten so bad? I know the bee population is in trouble but, man... can't a fella just get regular old honey anymore? My cookies were a disaster!

The Big John? The Ultimate Porker?

Like sand though the hourglass, so are the days of the Griz Series.

Just a normal Jimmy John's patron parking normally in a parking space and not blocking the road at all. Nothing to see here.  Please move along.  If you can get past.

Don't Be A Box Hater

The Griz Series soldiers on.

Spotted in a flea market in BFE, Virginia. Let's just zoom in here a bit...

I don't know if this was honest (in which case I had no idea that they were known for box-making prowess) or just insensitive (in which case I had no idea that this box was quite that bad).

I'm Don't Think I Would Advertise That

Scene trios of the Griz Series.

As I was looking through the pictures he sent, I came across this one.  I wasn't sure what it was about until I found the close up below.

Griz says: Virginia is a very old state with crazy laws on the books. I wonder what the punishment for this might be...

Seems to me that the punishment isn't enough to stop people from proudly displaying their proclivities on their cars.

What A Bargain!

I present the Griz Series, act 2.  Click the picture to enbiggen.

He was just looking for some socks and found this on the sale rack.  If the secret of selling is in the presentation, I have to say they rocked this one.

Vagity Plate

My very good friend, Griz, sent me a treasure trove of pictures so I'm going to dedicate a series to him.  Here is the first.

It is about time that this very important organ finally starts getting the recognition it deserves.  Everyone shows pictures of their newborn babies but no one ever talks about how that tiny human got here.  So let's salute this individual who understands (apparently a little too well) how babies are made.

"In This Area" Is A Bit Vague

I saw this the other day. It's a good warning.  It gets one's attention.  It conveys an important message.  I just hope that it actually means the "three foot drop-off" is behind this particular door, not another door in the area.

Breakfast Of Champions

Our newest field correspondent, NinjaMom, found this on the shelf of a local grocery store and sent it my way.

I blame this on Lays.  They started this nonsense with the flavor abominations Sriracha, Chicken & Waffles and Cheesy Garlic.  Now everyone has to join in on seeing how many bizarre flavor combinations they can create.  My favorite part of this is the line "great taste...naturally".  Naturally?  Really?  Has Mother Earth been combining syrup, bacon and potatoes all this time and we were simply unaware? 

Finally, A Solution To The Dreaded Ramen Wait

Field correspondent DoubleH saw this while shopping and snapped this pic.

Yep, this product has taken creativity to a new level to allowing one to microwave ramen noodles.  Prior to its introduction, there was no other method for cooking those noodles other than (as the label states) "the stove or pots".  And, in a completely unexpected twist, it's reusable!  The one thing that I don't exactly understand is how it "reduces sodium by 50%" but if it can harness high energy electromagnetic waves to apply heat to water and rice noodles, it can do anything.

When Signs Argue

Yet another from Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq.  Please click the picture to enbiggen.

It is always difficult to see a sign couple fighting.
  "It's clearly an exit!"
  "No it's not, you moron!"

In these situations, my concern is how this sort of public display will affect the little placards.

Xzibit Would Be So Proud

Another submission from Mrs. Dr. Nurse.

Yo Dawg I herd U like stacks of things so we put a deflated soccer ball on a street sign and put a lizard on the soccer ball.  

I Don't Even Want To Imagine What That Tastes Like

I received this picture from Mrs. Dr. Nurse (She is a Mrs. now; congrats to her and Mr. ExplodyBones Nurse!).  Please do click on the picture to engiggen. 

So these are packages of pre-made shots.  Aside from the obvious terribleness of the concept in general, let's delve into this particular scene.  We have "Sex on the Beach" flavor on the left, "Strawberry Sundae" favor on the right, and "Porn Star" flavor in the center.  And as Mrs. Dr. Nurse pointed out to me, please focus on the first line of the shelf tag: "Twisted Shtz Porn".  Before this, I was certain one could only get that in Germany.

The Secret Ingredient Is Cold

I've seen this sign more times than I can count and I guess I have never actually read it.  Apparently there is a secret recipe for ice.  After exhaustive research I discovered it and I'm going to share it here.

Ingredients
Water

Directions
Combine all ingredients.  Freeze.

And, yes, I know there are ways to make the ice clear, but I'm not sure that pushes this into the category of a "secret family recipe".

No Chance Of Confusion Here

Regular contributor Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq.  snapped this picture and sent it to me.  Click on the image to enbiggen.

Now I know what some of you are probably thinking but this is now way is trying to borrow from the reputation of another well-known convenience store chain.  I mean, come on, the differences are huge.  First, there is the background shape:  this one is a pentagon and the other has a rounded-edge trapezoid.  The "7" in this logo is red while the other is red AND orange.  And this business uses the color green for the the word "HEAVEN" while their competitor uses the color, well...  green.  So the two are in no way the same.