It's a F---ing SWAMP!

When I was in Florida, I visited the Corkscrew Swap Sanctuary (http://www.corkscrew.audubon.org/). It is a 2 mile wooden path through several different swamp ecosystems. While walking through, I passed a group of other visitors. This is a picture of one of them. Note what is hanging over her shoulder and not on her feet. This is just insanity. Sure, sure, it's a nice path, but it is in a F---ing SWAMP! And it isn't even that she wore a pair of impractical shoes and decided to take them off. Those are perfectly reasonable shoes to wear for a long walk. Really, what in the hell is wrong with people?!?

Merry Christmas from Mrs. Peacock

I went to Florida recently to visit family and did a little sightseeing. One of the places we visited was the Edison & Ford Winter Estates (http://www.efwefla.org/). While it was quite interesting, it did present me several WTFotos. Here is the first.

These “trees” were displayed on a piano. In case you cannot tell what they are, allow me to help: they are Christmas trees made out peacock feathers. How do ideas like this happen?!? Did the curator need some additional decorations for the upcoming holiday and happen to find a box full of feathers? Is the peacock a symbol of the Yule that I have hitherto been unaware? Are they simply trying to creep out the visitors? If the last is the case, I say “Mission accomplished!”

Magic Tree

Today's post is in a slightly different (and less sarcastic) vein than usual. In the spirit of the season, I present the Magic Tree. The viewing of this sight has become a tradition to many in my area. The creator lights the Magic Tree every year not only for its beauty, but also to inspire the light within us all. You can read more at http://www.magic-tree.org/. Over the years it has become so popular, the city has had to put up a sign directing the visitors.

Happy holidays to all!

Guest Submission!

Dr. “The Original Chip” Mac, Esq., has graced us with yet another guest submission. I am making an exception to my usual original-photo-only policy just this once. Enjoy!

The wife and I had a recent trip to Washington D.C. While driving downtown I turned and looked and saw this wonderful gem of an advertisement on the side of a bus. I struggled to find my camera to snap a photo but the bus pulled away before I could snap the pic. Thanks to the wonder of the internet, and plenty of free office time, I was able to locate the ad. It isn't a photo, but I hope you will make an exception. I'm certainly looking both ways from here on out.

Dr. Mac later pointed out that, in addition to the overall gruesomeness of the image and the wasting of a $5 coffee, the woman in the passenger seat appears to be calling a touchdown. Enbiggen goodness available simply by clicking the pic!

Sleepy Keyboard

Sorry for the terrible picture, but you know the drill (bad phone camera, blah, blah, blah). I replaced a keyboard on a laptop recently and this is a picture of the one I installed. I didn't even notice the defect; the owner pointed it out to me. I'll let you find it yourself, but you may need to click to enbiggen.

Potty Humor

I am sad to say that this is the last installment of the Wisconsin series, but I have saved the best for last. Momo spied this in the ladies room of a small town bar. If you have ever traveled abroad (Europe or Australia, for example) you will recognise this type of toilet. The explanation of its proper use typically includes the phrase "half and full flush." Apparently that wasn't explicit enough for those wacky Wisconsinites. And so, yet another WTFoto was born.

Wisconsin Appetizers

There is one sure-fire way to confirm you are in Wisconsin: look at a menu. I have included one from a small-town bar for your perusal (click to enbiggen, so you don't miss an item). In addition to the obvious entries (cheese on paper, a plate or a sandwich), there are other tale-tell signs. One is the shear variety of options, from clam strips to mini tacos and everything in between. The real giveaway, however, is just above the wings; smelt. This “delicacy” is found on a worrying number of menus in Wisconsin. Merriam-Webster states that it has “a distinctive odor and taste.” I think they are being kind.

Name change: Thomas De Peeters Chevrolet*

Our recent trip up north provided a number of WTFotos, so consider this the first in a Wisconsin series. I see this dealership every time we visit and I finally got a picture of it. Since Anheuser-Busch began brewing in 1860, it is safe to assume that this man’s parents were aware of what they were doing when they named him. I have never understood why parents saddle their children with names that guarantee ridicule. As a child, I’m sure this guy was subject to an endless stream of beer-related teasing. Perhaps this was just the way of his parents joining their two favorite things: the new baby and beer.

*In case you haven’t figured the title, that is statistically the most common Belgian name.

Guest Submission!!

Grapril was so kind as to send me this excellent WTFoto...

We saw this last weekend in Ste. Genevieve, and I just had to get a picture of it (Ed., see below for a better pic of the sign). Cuz when I think new tires, I think turkey! I also love that the business is the "Quick Change Artist."

What I like best is how artistically she was able to capture the tire shop, what with the light streaming down and all. She sure can make a tire shop look good, but if you know Grapril, you know that she can make ANYTHING look good.

Maybe a Bad Idea

This scene comes courtesy of a local “tearoom and bistro” (whatever the hell that means). The observant will have already noticed why this picture is here. For those who are a bit on the slow side, allow me to elucidate. Note that there is a computer just to the right of the monitor cleverly hidden behind the “Open Mic Night” sign. Also note the orientation of this computer. It took every ounce of my will power to resist pressing that power button. Or popping a porn-filled CD into the drive (not that I carry one with me at all times. Yet.) Obviously the solution isn’t simply turning it around as all those cords would also present an irresistible temptation. There’s a reason these things are usually located in a secure location. That reason is usually me.

Additional Services Not Included

So, Momo received this mysterious gift certificate in the mail the other day. She is a patient of this dentist, however she did not recognize the name of the person who she (apparently) referred. While that is a bit strange, it in no way holds a candle to the bizarre disclaimer at the bottom. It starts out all normally enough "whitening is not a specialty which requires blah, blah, blah…" But then (and you have to click to enbiggen this one), the "doctors are not specialists in prosthodontics, orthohontics, TAXIDERMY, or PILOTING DIRIGIL". First, the entire Interweb has never heard of the word “dirigil”, at least not in English. Secondly, and much more importantly, what in the hell is going on at that practice which requires them to say they do not perform taxidermy?!? You know there was some event that led to that particular disclaimer. That’s the kind of story one just has to hear.

Cajun Style!

I know how to be seated “Family Style” or even “Indian Style” but “Cajun Style” eludes me. Am I supposed to play the washboard before being seated? Flash my tasty tatas? (you can clearly see in the reflection that my tatas are anything buy “tasty”) Buy a sump pump? (too soon?) It is unfair to make such a request without further clarification. That’s how wars get started…

Sexy New Girls Friend

I was out and about at lunch when I happened across this. It’ a little difficult to read (click for enbiggened goodness), but it says “Sexy” (on the side window) and “New Girls Friend” (on the rear). As usual, I have absolutely no insight as to what this supposed to mean. Mayhap it is a misquote from the movie Sixteen Candles: Long Duk Dong “Ooh. Sexy Girlfriend.” Or maybe it’s just another one of those things intended to assist my steady descent into insanity.

Polling Place Crime Scene

This is a picture of where I cast my ballot yesterday. The signs read "No Campaigning Within 25 Feet.” The yellow tape reads “No Campaigning Zone.” While I understand the need to limit campaigning at polling locations, is it necessary to make it look like a crime scene? Note that the tape is attached to the door handles. I was a little afraid I might find dead bodies inside. In reality, while they were very old, they were not quite dead.

Keep Her Happy!

This ad campaign is by one of the (many) mobile home retailers in my area (click to enbiggen). This picture is beautiful for several of reasons:
1. They obviously embrace stereotypes; what with the hair curlers, robe and pointing finger (should have snuck a cigarette in there)
2. The mobile home is up on blocks and looks precariously close to falling to the left
3. The use “doubles” instead of “double-wide” to make it seem more classy
4. They are implying that a double-wide mobile home is the key to wedded bliss

Bathroom Invasion

This was spotted at the local deep-fried fish chain restaurant. Whenever I see a sign like this, I have to wonder to myself, “how many times did someone get intruded on before management got involved?” The bathroom is a “one-holer” so it should be common sense to lock the door in any case. I do like the fact that it is a command, rather than a request. This implies that one would get in trouble if one failed to lock the door upon entering. Perhaps management would be forced to eject the offender for not to following their policy. That would make for an interesting police blotter: “11:32 AM: Local man removed from restaurant for failing to lock restoom door.”

The Definition of a WTFoto

Wow. Just really, wow. This beauty is a piece of “art” that currently stands outside of The Elk Hunter’s previous place of employ. Seriously, I have no idea what to say about it. Apparently art has devolved into gigantic (it’s close to 10 feet tall) cartoon-ish insect statues. I’m not sure what the sign says. It may be the “artist’s” name. It might be a sales tag. Then again, it could be an apology.

What's In a Name?, Part Deux

Standard disclaimer: my phone camera sucks. I’ve passed this business many times and this sign never fails to make me laugh. So why did it take me so long to get a picture of it up here? If you can’t make it out (click to enbiggen) it is the shingle sign for one Dr. Hug, Chiropractor. “So, you say your back is bothering you. Well, come over here and let me get my arms around you…” ***CRACK***

A Whole New Meaning of “Porking”

The town where I live has an annual BBQ/music festival, and I’m usually on one of the pit crews. It is a lot of fun and provides for some excellent people watching. Whilst out on a foray during the last one, I stumbled across this vendor’s trailer. It certainly is funny, but there is a decided creepiness about it. I’m not sure if it is the blonde’s smile, the camera-pig’s leer, the beer-bottle-shaped barbeque bottles, or the fact that the flasher is apparently missing 7 pairs of mammary glands. Perhaps it’s the implication of what exactly the proprietors are doing to their pigs.

What’s in a Name?

I like to consider myself pretty much unbiased when it comes to names, but even I have my limits. I present exhibit A: please note the second sign from the right (click to enbiggen for closer examination). There are some names that just were not intended for public office. For example, any that have the word “trickey” in them. On the other hand, I’m not sure that simply “Bunnie Cotten" would garner much serious consideration either.

In Case of Bovine Vampire…

Merriam-Webster defines the word “stake” as:

1: a pointed piece of wood or other material driven or to be driven into the ground as a marker or support
2: a: a post to which a person is bound for execution by burning b: execution by burning at a stake
3: a: something that is staked for gain or loss b: the prize in a contest c: an interest or share in an undertaking or enterprise
4: a Mormon territorial jurisdiction comprising a group of wards

So, unless this product is designed to pounded in the ground, included in a fiery death, used in gambling or involved in a Later-Day Saints land claim, perhaps the manufacturer selected a less-than-appropriate name.

When You Can Make a Business Out of Your Interests...

This fine establishment is located just south of our state's capitol in the small town whose name rhymes with “Does Neato.” The owner is obviously an enterprising soul who decided one day that his myriad of passions could be melded into a single business. And so “Mr. O’s” was born! I have been in this store (once) to purchase the first item listed and, believe me, it is just as weird inside as you would imagine. While the “antiques” are located in a separate room, the hardware and candles are interspersed with other convenience store items (candy, chips, toilet paper, canned goods, etc.). What pulls the whole thing together are the taxidermy animals placed randomly throughout the place. I was in such a hurry to leave, I cannot attest to the claim of "Great Prices!"

Spider Worm. Spider Worm. Does Whatever a Spider Worm Does.

We have gotten a lot of rain this year. When we get a lot of rain, there are frequently earthworms on our patio. I’m sure this isn’t unusual throughout much of the world. What is unusual is to look out the patio door and see an earthworm at EYE LEVEL. This little guy had managed to make it nearly six feet up a pane of glass. I had no idea earthworms could scale glass, let alone get that high up and appear to be quite comfortable while doing it. If (s)he* just had a tiny cape, we would have ourselves the next super hero.

* I have no idea how to tell the sex of an earthworm and I’m kind of uncomfortable thinking about it.**

** I understand that each individual worm possesses both male and female reproductive organs, but it just isn’t as funny that way.

Mmmm. Meaty Groom.

Meaty grooms: not just for breakfast anymore. Not exactly a WTFoto, but funny nonetheless.

Would You Like Some Wi-Fi with Your Paint and/or Glass?

This sign has been screaming at me for quite some time. So long, in fact, that it finally blended in with the scenery. That is a sad statement on the world today: when something as bizarre as free Wi-Fi at a paint/glass store becomes commonplace. I have no idea why one would even want free Wi-Fi at a paint/glass store. Maybe you’ve taken some pictures of a room where you would like new paint/windows and don’t want to bother with the hassle of bringing them with you. Now you can simply turn on your PC, copy the pictures from your camera over, sign into your Flickr account, upload those room pictures, grab your laptop, head down to the paint/glass store, turn on the laptop, connect to their free Wi-Fi, sign back into the Fickr account, find the correct photos, and show them to the nice paint/glass employee. See how much easier that is.

Maybe One is an Imperial Pint

On a recent business trip we stayed at a well-known national hotel chain that has a “Marketplace” inside the hotel. Basically it is little more than a glorified and manual vending machine. In addition to the standard overpriced staples (chips, candy, bottled water, etc.), several frozen items were offered, including ice cream. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary so far. What is odd is the description of the ice cream on the price list, which comes in two sizes: large and small pints. I may just be old fashioned, but I always thought a pint was 16 ounces. Period. Any other volume, and it’s not a pint. Or maybe they have found access to an additional dimension where they can put more of something into the same volume. I wonder if the extra calories would stay in that dimension, whilst the ice creamy goodness is transferred to my mouth. THAT would be a product I would buy.

Guest Submission!

Today's submission is courtesy of Dr. “The Original Chip” Mac, Esq. I think he has the concept of WTFotos down nicely.

Hi - long time reader - first time caller -- So it is our anniversary on Friday - and on our nice occasions we like to go to Chapelmountain’s (editor’s note: named changed to limit liability) for dinner - Years ago we started a running joke with the maitre d' and staff to see what kind of unique foil arrangement they can come up with for our leftovers. At one point we said we wanted Richard Milhous Nixon - they laughed, said they would do something from Harry Potter instead, and brought out a lovely wizard hat with our leftover steak and whatnot neatly preserved within. A few weeks ago we were there for my birthday, during the Olympics, and they brought out a base with the Olympic rings precariously perched above in foil. We didn't think that could be topped until tonight...

What's In a Name?

I spied (with my little eye) these products at a well-known national pharmacy chain. I'm sure they are just fine products, but there is something not right about that name. Bag O' Baby. What immediately springs to mind is the image of a sack full of infants, perhaps carried by a deranged stork. Instead of delivering the newborns to their rightful parents, this particular stork distributes them willy-nilly. One goes to a hobo sleeping on a park bench. Another to a rabid badger. A third to an unsuspecting Lindsay Lohan. While no harm comes to these children, their unusual upbringing leads to lives of reckless abandon and, ultimately, to them becoming regulars on Jerry Springer.

Or maybe I'm the only one with such visions...

The Tina Turner of Topiary

Sorry for the hiatus, I’ve been traveling and just busy in general. On the bright side, I have several new photos that I’ll be posting in the near future. For now, I present these:

Eagled-eyed Momo saw this and knew it must be shared here. I’m pretty sure that is supposed to be a lion topiary, but the only things that are growing are a couple of fern mange spots and the gigantic grass mane. Well, I think it is suppose to be a mane. To me it resembles nothing more than Tina Turner’s hair circa 1985. If you doubt me, please visit the following link…
http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20176282_13,00.html

Making a Bespectacle of Oneself

This here Basket O’ Glasses is at one of our local Greek pizza restaurants. You can’t tell from the picture, but there is close to a dozen pair of glasses in that basket. Do they really have that many sight-impaired patrons who forget their glasses? Do they have ANY patrons who actually use those glasses? I thought about seeing how many pairs I could put on before management asked me to leave, but even I was a bit weirded out by the idea of communal spectacles.

Elevator Emergency Procedures

This sign is in the very building in which I work. It includes several amusing items and one frightening one. First, notice the extra hole in the upper left and the fact that the “center” hole is offset allowing the sign to hang at a jaunty angle. It includes the obligatory typo (“inset” fingers), confusing directions (pull elevator doors outward?), pronoun mismatch ("doors" and "it") and a phrase in all caps with an exclamation point ("DON'T PANIC!" ala Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy). It also promises that in the event of a loss of power, the elevator will “drop down to the bottom floor.” I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want my elevator to do is DROP. Lower, maybe. Descend, certainly. But NEVER, in any circumstance, drop.

P.S. Yes that is a tap light, adhered with double-sided tape. Classy!

We Aim to Confuse

So, I have to make my standard disclaimer: my phone camera takes terrible pictures. I was recently at one of the local urgent care facilities when I found this. We've all seen this particular witticism in restrooms before, but on a mirror? In a hospital? Even that absurdity would not have been enough to make it a What The Foto. In the lower right corner, inside the circle, it reads 'Also a 3 1/2" x 5" Photo Frame.' What in the hell does that even mean?

Always Weird. Always

So, I’m not sure if this is sanctioned or not. What it appears to be is a drawing for a display layout (click to enbiggen for full effect). The drawing is taped to a huge pallet of Ramen Noodles. Apparently said noodles will sell better if they are arranged to form a ranch-style house, complete with garage and chimney. Because nothing screams chicken-flavored Ramen like suburbia.

He Was a Carpenter After All

We pass this roofing company when we go down to the river. As you can see, one of the buildings seems to yelling the name of the Christian Messiah. Since there is no additional information, I’m not sure if it is supposed to be an advertisement, an expletive, or simply a reminder. Whatever the case, I’m always compelled to shout “JESUS!” each time I see it.

As Stevie Nicks Once Said...

We were in California earlier this year and caught a glimpse of this “phenomenon”: buildings built at the top of a shear cliff of DIRT. This particular building is no more than 10 feet from a 25 foot drop off made of nothing but soil. No rocks, no clay, no reinforcement of any kind. I have no idea what keeps this from just dissolving and washing away when it rains. The one thing I am certain of is that the people who live in that house will be shocked, SHOCKED, when it does happen.

All Fruits are not Created Equal

We recently had breakfast at the local “down-on-the-farm” chain restaurant. While waiting for our food, I whiled away the time by flipping through the table tent advertisements. I found this jewel therein. I apologize for the picture quality (my phone camera does a terrible job of taking pictures up close). It reads as follows.

No Sugar Added! Country Apple Pie
Enjoy all the traditional taste without all the sugar! Natural fruit juices make this apple pie as sweet as can be. Served warm in a flaky crust. Sweetened with Aspartame.

I love ad copy that takes a sudden left at the end.

Miller Now Owns the Souls of Much of Wisconsin

A few weeks ago we attended Summerfest. We thoroughly enjoyed the numerous bands and even got to see Cheap Trick. The state-fair atmosphere, the beautiful weather and even the $5.00 beers were extremely pleasant. On the way home, I flipped the ticket over and read the “CONSENT” section. I was horrified to find out that I had agreed to having my “image and/or likeness, writings, biographical information or recordings of (my) voice captured or reproduced in any medium, forever and throughout the world, for any purpose.” I don’t know about you, but if I was the devil, that’s how I would have worded it.

The Definition of Irony

This wonderful machine is located at one of our local seafood eateries. If you can’t tell (or cannot believe) what it is, let me elucidate. It is one of those claw machine games, but instead of playing for candy or crappy trinkets you are trying to catch a LIVE LOBSTER. For the low price of $2.00 you can go fishin’ for a lobster dinner. The restaurant even promises to cook your catch for free. I think the best (worst?) thing is that you are using a claw to snag the lobster. Maybe the lobsters don’t mind it as much that way…

Verrrry Specific Fine

This is a bit difficult to make out, but the sign reads “RED LIGHT RUNNING $183.50 FINE.” (click to enbiggen picture). The fine is $183.50?!? How did that become the appropriate amount for a fine? I hear see the city council session: “What should we make the fine for running red lights? No one will take a $183 fine seriously, but $184 is waaay too much. What to do, what to do?” I guess the sign is there to ensure that violators bring exact change to their court appearance.

Night Court

Here is an example of how the lack of proper grammar can change your intended meaning. I’m pretty sure that they mean “loitering or trespassing between midnite (sic) & 7 AM daily will be prosecuted.” What they ended up saying is “we will prosecute loitering and trespassing on a daily basis between the hours of midnite (sic) and 7 AM.” How much do you have to pay a graveyard shift judge?

All Boyz Party

While in Orlando recently, I saw these signs on the doors of a closed restaurant. I can appreciate the explicit directions (name of club, address of club, directions and a landmark), but I wonder about the location. Why were they on a closed restaurant? Did the restaurant close because of the "Boyz"? Is the previous proprietor one of the "Boyz"? Did any non-"Boyz" try to crash the party? Could I become one of the "Boyz" even though I the wrong color and sexual orientation? So many questions…

Fetus at Work!

Sorry for the terrible picture, but I was once again trying to be subtle about the picture taking. In case you are wondering, her shirt reads “Too Young To Be Born.” I guess the child labor laws are verrry lax around here. And just for the record, she was definitely NOT too young to have yet been born.

A Hell of a Bargin

This excellent example of a "What The Foto" comes courtesy of our local Relay for Life. This booth was located right next to us and there was something that just didn’t seem right about that sign. It took Momo to point it out to me: they are offering face PAINING, not PAINTING (click picture for enbiggened goodness). For the low, low price of $1.00 they will inflict pain directly on your face. There are parts of the world where you would have to pay twice that for face paining. Living in the Midwest is great for the budget-conscious masochist.

It's a vending manchine for... To buy... Awww CRAP!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is actually an iPod vending machine. Deep in the heart of the Atlanta airport lives this machine. In addition to iPods, you can get speakers, headphones or even the random GPS. So if you have a couple of extra hundred bucks burning a hole in your pocket, have I got a place for you to spend it. This may be the first sign of the apocalypse.

Used Donkey!!

This is why you don't buy a used donkey. How are you supposed to get rid of the goats? Is there anti-goat shampoo?

What are they trying to commemorate?

I was recently in Atlanta for training and this statue was near my hotel. I think the subject is supposed to be dancing, but it sure looks like he just got shot in the back.

A new wedding tradition?

I DJ on the side. This was at the last wedding reception I worked. In case you are as confused as I was, yes, that is a wedding piñata.