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Or perhaps it's just a urinal full of ice...

Layers Of Flavors

So I'm shopping for some snacks the other day when I see this (click on the picture to enbiggen).  Focus your attention on the line below "Rosemary & Olive Oil.  Now that is one descriptive description.  Why did they only mention "natural flavors" twice?  I'm sure there are more than two natural flavors in there.  It's a little like spelling "banana":  everyone knows how to spell it but not everyone knows when to stop.

I've Been Called Unreasonable...

I was shopping the other day and was in the prepaid cell phone area of the store when I spied this.  I cannot remember which carrier this display was for but check out that disclaimer.  For the life of me I cannot figure out what they are trying to say.  In my opinion, "unlimited" means at least 43,200 minutes in your average 30-day month.  And who gets to determine what "unreasonable" means because I'm certain that would lead to a differing of opinions.

Medical Care, Now In Convenient Child Form

One more picture from my NYC trip.  I saw this while I was having lunch one day (click on the picture to enbiggen).  Pay attention to the left-most sign.  I assume that is supposed to read "CPR KIT AVAILABLE" but I guess they could have a Doogie-Howser-like child prodigy in the back somewhere.

Take Your Gift Giving To The Max(i)

You never know where a What The Foto will present itself (click the picture to enbiggen).  A lot of companies these days are taking a "value-added" approach to their products.  You know, not only does it do the intended purpose but also something completely unrelated.  That being said, COME ON!  Who is ever going to use this as a gift box?  And if one ever did, how mortified would the recipient be if they found out where that lovely box came from.

Pig Toes!!!

Here is another sight that I was presented whilst in NYC.  Please direct your attention to the sign in the middle.  I while I'm sure it isn't unheard of to use pig toes in cooking, a quick Goggle search doesn't return very much in the way of recipes.  This leads me to wonder why the proprietor of this butcher shop would use them as a way to lure potential customers into the store. Of course, my entire analysis of this picture is based on the assumption that they are selling actual toes from pigs and not, as the Urban Dictionary suggests, "more petite, dainty, and, hence, attractive version of the camel toe."

Scrap Gold And A Haircut, Two Bits

I saw these sign recently when I was in New York.  Feel free to click the picture to enbiggen but that really is a barber shop that wants to buy your gold.  I've seen a lot of business combinations that don't make sense but this one ranks up near the top of the list. I wonder how that transaction would go: "Hey, Mike!  Just take a little off the top and here is my old wedding ring.  Keep the change."

Rolled On The Thighs Of Beautiful Cuban Women

It's a two-fer from Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq.

This is a gift that was given by Mrs. Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. (click the picture to enbiggen).  The product claims to be "Fine Handrolled Handkerchiefs", as if that is the most logical presentation for something used to remove mucus.  At least the product is named correctly; I assume it is pronounced "creamy-eww".

Who Says Car Repair Has To Be Expensive?

Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. captured this image and sent it my way.

So, here is a VW Beetle Convertible whose top apparently had an issue.  The resourceful owner decided to take on this daunting repair task his/herself.  Let's analyse the finished project, shall we?  First, I do have to give them credit for actually installing a window for rear viewing.  However, the "top" is held on with bungee cords and appears to be rather loose.  I imagine this results in significant flapping at highway speed.  I also doubt it is more securely fastened in the front, so there is an ongoing threat of it just flying off one day.  If that happens, the only hope for any car behind them is that the viewing portal lands perfectly so they can watch the Bug drive off with the wind blowing in their hair.

The Torso, My Friend, Is Blowin' In The Wind

Field correspondent Frankie captured this image and sent it to me.  You definitely should click the picture to enbiggen.

Let's see if we can analyse everything that is going on here.  Obviously there is a headless, limbless mannequin suspended from the porch.  There is also lots of children's play items on that porch.  This implies that the owner of this dwelling doesn't mind inflicting emotional scarring on kids.  The porch appears to have been added on so planning isn't a strong suit.  Finally, let's not overlook the tiny gazing ball so any lingering questions about the sanity of the residents should be answered.

Egg-cellent Sandwiches Inside

Frankie and I saw this sign on a recent road trip.  Click the picture to enbiggen.  Now I know that those are two separate concepts but when you put them together like that it just looks odd.  I wonder how well buffalo chicken can manage a Subway.  Probably better than many actual managers I've seen as of late.

Department of Redundancy Department, Part Deux

But in the event of an emergency, what is one supposed to use to contact help?

Politics Can Be Fun

In many states there is a perennial candidate, one who so wants to change the system that he or she will run for just about any position available.  In Missouri, that candidate is Leonard Steinman.  Here is one of his "mobile advertisements."  Please click the picture to enbiggen.

I really have no idea what his platform is but I have to believe you are not bolstering your poll ratings by calling yourself a "dishonest, lying cheat".  And, dear reader, lest you think this is another candidate tying to libel Mr. Steinman, take my word that this work of art was created by the candidate himself.  In addition to the campaign bus, he also has a delivery truck and (for some reason) a dump truck.

Finally, in the spirit of completeness, here is a link to his campaign picture looking like the Lion from The Wizard of Oz.

Just Good Advice

Sorry for the hiatus, I was in the Big Apple last week and couldn't post. Anywho...

I saw this in the restroom of a local restaurant.  I hope that this is directed toward the employees but I'm really not sure.  While I agree with the sentiment whole-heartedly, it's just kind of.... odd.   Maybe the owner has OCD and is trying to get everyone to act like he does.

Nasty Habit

Our newest correspondent, Agent Superstar, got this from a friend and sent it my way.

I understand the need for a product like this, but it raises so many questions.  I assume it works by making the poop taste bad.  How does one make poop taste worse?  And none the thorough research I've done on the subject (30 seconds or so) mentions that dogs eat poop because it is delicious.  Of course the biggest question is that if it makes what comes out taste that bad, what does it taste like going in?

The Question Is: Does Your Server Give You The Lube?

Field correspondent TeaSea provides another one.

I had never heard of this restaurant chain but they are apparently all over the U.S.  As far as I can tell from their website, while they do serve steaks, they do not service vehicles.  And steaks aren't even their signature dish; they are most proud of their wings.  But for some reason, I just can't stay mad at a business that displays the word "LUBE" all over the place.

Department of Redundancy Department

Field correspondent Grapril sent this to me a while ago and I just found it.  Please to enjoy.

The choice of an attorney is an important one and should be based on the fact that you only have to remember one name and one digit.

WTFerret?!?

Woo boy, has it been a week.  Anyways, this one comes from Bat.  Click the picture to enbiggen.

So many questions (dramatic pause)... 

• Since when the hell does anyone care about legalizing ferrets?...
• Since when the hell does anyone care ENOUGH about legalizing ferrets to create an organization for legalizing ferrets?...
• Why the hell would said organization spend money, which I’m sure is in short supply, to create a BUMPER STICKER for legalizing ferrets?...
• Why the hell would anyone put said bumper sticker for legalizing ferrets on a fairly new car?...
• Who the hell would want ANYONE to know they support legalizing ferrets?...
• "Do it for the little guy"... because we all need a thieving, snake killing, slinky bodied rodent as a family pet.

Editor's note:  If that doesn't make you wonder what they were thinking, how about this article that details a ferret preventing a child from counting above three.

And It's Stylish

Most of this packaging makes perfect sense.  It's a mask that does what it should: filter out stuff you don't want to breathe.  What landed this image here is the line just below LATEX FREE:  "Protects against frigid winter air".  Now I understand that companies are always trying to find other uses for their products but I just can't imagine people will ever use it in that manner.  Scarves serve the same purpose with a far less chance of ridicule.

Not Much Of A Reservation

I found this scene during a float trip earlier in the year.  Click the picture to enbiggen.  Can the parking really be called "reserved" if the sign can be moved freely? 

Mascot, Relieve Thyself

This is another contribution from Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq.

Truman the Tiger is the mascot for the University of Missouri and his likeness tends to show up all over the area.  This is a cardboard cutout of him (click the picture to enbiggen).  Without the t-shirt, I'm sure it would be obvious that he is facing the camera waving his right hand.  With the t-shirt, it appears he is leaning against the wall with his left hand, peeing on the wall and looking over his shoulder at the camera.  Ahhh, perspective...

Drunken Feet

I was at the vet recently and was presented this scene.  Now believe me when I say I am not making fun of this gentleman's condition.  He appears to have recently had some sort of procedure on his feet.  As a result, I'm certain wearing shoes would be quite painful.  However I do have to call into question his decision to wear Crown Royal bags instead.  The best part is the incongruousness of the feet with the well-tailored suit, pressed shirt and nice tie.

Get It?? Unit Price?!?!

Field correspondent Stroker got this from his friend Kent.  Click the picture for enbiggened goodness.

Boy howdy, back-to-school supplies have changed since I went. I don't recall ever having this particular item on the list the school sent out. My favorite part of this sign is that it points out with 2 free, it only costs 89.2¢ per session. Now that's a bargain.

Ancillary Service

Field correspondent Frankie got some doughnuts one morning and this was the bag they were in.  Let's take a closer look at that text, shall we?

"As an additional service"?  Really?  How is reusing a bag an additional service?  That's a little like selling a pet rock that, as an additional service, can be used for self defense if thrown accurately.  I also enjoy the fact that the phrase "soak through" is in quotations.  This is bag citing another bag?

Living Toilet

I recently found this picture that I took a couple years ago on a trip to Florida (click the picture to enbiggen).  I understand the gist of the sign: they are conserving water by using recycled water for the toilets, but the drinking water is fresh.  It's a great idea and is well implemented.  The issue I have with this is the phrase "Living Machine toilets."  For some reason that just gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Approximately Exact

This is a postcard that provides the school bus schedule and assignment for the child of a friend (sorry for all the redactions, but you understand).  Click to enbiggen and pay attention to the times.  Now let's look at the reverse side of that card.

How about that disclaimer in all caps: "THESE TIMES ARE APPROXIMATE".  I'm not certain about you, dear reader, but I would call 7:01 pretty darn precise.

Odd Recipe

I was having lunch with Frankie the other day when I was handed this menu.  Let's have a look-see here.  It was a sports bar so the names are a bit odd, but nothing really of note.  Hmmmm, what could have gotten this on What The Foto?  Ahhhh, there is it:  the second ingredient of the Rocky.  I'm pretty sure that is not how a Philly Cheesesteak is made.

Expenses Of Scale

This is another picture I took at my place of employment.  Click the image to enbiggen.  Let's do the math here; a small (8 ounce) cup is 10¢, making it cost 1.25¢ an ounce while a large (16 ounce) cup is 25¢, making it 1.5625¢ per ounce. I'm not sure why there is a premium on the greater quantity of coffee.  An eternally optimistic person might hypothesize that it is to encourage employees to make more trips for the health benefit of the additional walking.  The realist in me knows better.  And to top it off, no one I pointed it out to even realized that anything was odd about it.

What Are The Chances?

Go ahead and click on the picture to enbiggen.  I'll wait, I promise.  So, did you see it? The mind boggling coincidence?  The fact that two identical Corvettes (except for color) would be in the same parking lot at the same time, both forget their handicap parking tags, and be terrible at parking.  I blurred out the license plates to limit my liability, but they weren't disabled plates either.  Just in case you were going to argue that one.

But Not From Addiction...

Let me first say that I'm not against smokeless tobacco.  I think it's disgusting, but everyone is free to kill themselves however they choose.  That said, the warning on this sign really takes the wind out of the sentiment of the ad. 

Additional Room Service

During a recent hotel stay, as I was entering my room,  I was afforded this view.  I truly have no idea what that symbol is supposed to represent.  Some special lighting? A device for opening beverages?  Extreme ear piercing?  No other room has that icon by the number and I found nothing inside the room that could possibly have been represented by it.  Believe me, I looked.  So apparently I had access to some special good or service that I failed to take advantage.  Maybe I should ask the hotel for reimbursement...

Proctolo-tree

Sorry about the hiatus. My schedule has been pretty hectic as of late. Anywho, this pic was given to me by W of A&W.

You, dear reader, are definitely going to want to click on that picture for enbiggened goodness.  Serious?  Who thinks that is a good way to display anything let alone stuffed animals? I wonder how one would respond to the question "Mommy, why are those animals stuck to that pole by their bottoms?" And of course there has to be an outlier: apparently the top blue bear has had a tracheotomy.

No, No.... You Tell Me.

I saw this "food" stand during a recent trip to an amusement park with Frankie. Please click the picture to enbiggen.  I am really quite disturbed by the purveyor asking the customer to try to guess what is included in a food item.  Mayhap I'm just not as adventurous as others, but I really prefer to know exactly what I am putting in my mouth.

My Lucky Day!!!

I rolled into my parking spot at work last week and glanced down to see this (click the picture to enbiggen).  Perhaps I should have purchased a lottery ticket that day...

All Purpose People Cleaner

I recently found another picture from my road trip earlier this year.  This was in the room of a casino that we stayed in.  Click the picture to enbiggen. That dispenser in the shower was the only cleanser in the entire room.  No soap (hand or bath). No shampoo.  No conditioner.  Just this miracle clean-all in a handy pump dispenser. Luckily I brought my own toiletries.  I have a sneaky suspicion that I would feel dirtier after using anything that came out of that.

Smoken!

Here is another example of a sign that takes much more interpretation than it should (click the picture to enbiggen).  I assume this is the owner's way of asking patrons not to put out a cigarette and then take it into the store with them.  I do have to wonder why these signs aren't created on a computer and printed.  The advantage of that is twofold: first, one wouldn't have to worry about illegible handwriting and, second, words like "smoken" would probably not be included.

Somewhere, A Sleeper Agent Has Been Activated

Does anyone want to take a stab at this one?  Anyone?  I kind of get the first two lines: fishing is fun, but flat tires are not fun. Pretty bizarre parallelism, but I guess I can make that leap.  It's that last part that really confuses me: "trailer tires ok".  This makes no sense either in the "context" of the sign or on its own.  Signs such as these are supposed to entice people to shop there, not cause them to wreck while trying to decipher the message.

Please Select The Definition You Are Most Comfortable With

Field correspondent Griff snapped this picture and sent it to me.

Oh sure, the phrase "Glory Hole" is used number of different ways.  The Discover Channel show Gold Rush Alaska uses it to describe a depression at the base of a waterfall where gold gathers.  In the world of offshore petroleum wells, it means escavating the seafloor to protect the wellhead from icebergs. It is even the name of the reheating furnace for glassblowing.  But we all know what it really means, don't we...

Me Sellum Sodas

Field correspondent Frankie submits another.

Umm..  I'm really not sure what to even say about this other than "What in the hell is wrong with people?"  Click the picture to enbiggen the creepiness. 

UPDATE:  Correspondent Shu noted "What's interesting is only the cowboy has a Please Don't Touch sign on him. Go wild with the Native American, I guess."

Warpped Pineapple

Seen at a local Chinese Buffet restaurant.  Everyone understands the power of pork in general and especially bacon, but I never knew it had the ability to send tropical fruit faster than the speed of light.  Or maybe it has given the fruit a perverse sense of humor.  In either case, I shall endeavor to keep a close eye on my pineapple whenever it is in the presence of bacon from now on.

Finally, The Pluralization Of A New Orleans' Colloquialism

I was riding with Frankie we saw this.  It's not the clearest picture, but click on it to enbiggen and focus your attention to the brand badge next to the left tail light. It reads: HYUUDAI, which I can only assume that is pronounced "Who Dey".  In most cases, this would be slightly more grammatically correct than the traditional "Who Dat" as that idiom is typically directed at a group rather than an individual. And that is your Creole lesson for the day.

Details, Details

So now, employees not only have to wash their hands after using the restroom, they also have to use soap?  Talk about micro-management. Will the proletariat never cease to be suppressed?

Caption The Foto Contest

Regular readers know how much I enjoy typos in signs.  This is one that happens pretty regularly. I've decided to throw it out to you, dear reader. Post your captions to this sign in the comments (click to enbiggen).  The one I deem best will get some sort of prize, to be determined.  If I don't know you personally, don't worry, I'll find some way to get it to you. I'll get the ball rolling.

1. Smile, Moron camera.

2. My on camera?  MY on camera? MY on camera?!?

Update: Here are the contenders so far:
- By the end, Alan Funt was really phoning it in...
- In communist Russia, signs warn "CAMERA ON YOUR SMILE". What a country! (Anonymous I need to know how to contact you)

There Might Be A Better Solution Than A Sign

I found this in a local playground (click the picture to enbiggen).  This seems like something that maybe, MAYBE, was not planned well.  Hmmm, a structure that kind of looks like a piece of playground equipment but is deadly. Right next to actual playground equipment. Nothing could possibly go wrong here. The other explanation is that the civil engineer who designed this site hates children.

Increased Security

We wrap up Shu's Vegas-themed miniseries with this post and a thank you to him.

We knew we'd see a greater security presence in light of recent events. We just didn't expect anyone to outsource to a security agency from a galaxy long ago and far away.

I Think I'll Take The Elephant

Here is Shu's second entry of the Vegas mini-series.

The calendar or the water? Calendar or water? Something you hang on your wall or something you can get from your faucet? Something that lasts 12 months or something that lasts 12 seconds? Calendar or water? Calendar or water.

World's Biggest Small Print

We're featuring a Vegas mini-series, presented by correspondent Shu.



All I can say is this is one heck of a disclaimer for 25-cent wings (click the picture to enbiggen). The lawyers didn't miss any detail, including the "non-refillable fountain drink." Apparently, not only do you pay extra to get the wings to go, you have to pay for the box to put them in. Buyer beware: these 25-cent wings could run you more than your next car payment.