I Have No Idea

You're on your own with this one.  Click to enbiggen.

Rubber Plant

I have a nice potted plant that I keep outside my front door.  I came home recently after a rain and was presented with this sight.

 

Huh, there is some trash in my plant.  I wonder how that got there.  It's not like my front patio is a major thoroughfare.  Then I looked a bit closer...

 

 

Yes, that is a condom.  So, my best guess is that someone purposefully walked up to my house and placed a condom into my potted plant.  Because, why not.

I'll Just Wait 'Til I Get Home...

Field correspondent Shu sent me another one.

He writes: I guess it’s cheaper to post a Wet Floor sign than it is to install commodes and urinals. Much like saving money on car repairs by sticking a piece of tape over the Check Engine light.

Why Would A Sign Lie To Us?

I saw this on one of my many recent trips.  Click on the picture to enbiggen the image. 

 

Clearly the sign on the left is lying.  The ATM is in no way inside that tiny building.  I can see it there on the right.  On the exterior.  Not inside.  Why would a sign lie?  It cuts so deeply.  I just don't want to fight with signs anymore...

Enough To Make That Native American Cry



 

This was sent to me by a coworker, T.S.  Just yet another fine example of poorly worded signs which keep me in business here.  So, y'all get to littering or pony up the $50.  Not littering will absolutely not be tolerated!

Blasphemy At Its Best

Brilliant.  Just brilliant.  The best part, in my opinion, is the fact that they call their technicians "Repair Apostles".  I wonder if they have 12 of them...

Emergency Amputation

It's been a while since we've had a submission from field correspondent Bat but he sure gave us a good one.  Click the picture to enbiggen.

 

He says: "And then your hands will be chopped off and you will bleed to death..."

Obviously the dotted red line is supposed to indicate where the handles will end up in the case you have to use the emergency exit but it sure looks like your hands will be spewing blood if lift those handles.  Maybe that's to indicate what the emergency has to be to use this exit: "If your hands are spraying blood, please feel free to exit here."

For Adult Water Sports Use Only

Field correspondent A.S. sent this my way.

 

While I'm not among them, there are some who enjoy adult water sports.  I had no idea that they made equipment just for that.  And tinted so your partner can't see where you're looking.  I do have one suggestion, if you do use these for adult water sports, leave the protective film on.

They Go Right Through You

I know this looks like a set up but I swear it isn't.  I really don't have anything to add.

Indoor Traveling Is The Best

I saw this display at a convenience store.  Because when I think footwear, I think convenience stores.  Click the picture to enbiggen.

 

So what we have here is a product that states it is "Indoor Footwear" which is fine.  I do love me a good slipper.  The trouble, however, comes in with the byline: "for gym, home, travel, office, anywhere for feet go..."  That seems like a bit of a contradiction to me.  I'm pretty sure that any traveling is going to require at least some exposure to the outdoors.  Or maybe that's just my approach to it.

Junk Dryer

Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. informed me of this when we stopped at a gas station on a recent float trip.  Feel free to click the picture to enbiggen. 



For the readers who are blessed enough to have two X chromosomes, it may not be immediately obvious why this is a What The Foto.  I will simply say that the placement of the hand dryer is unusual.  I guess it can save time in that one can wash and dry one's hand at the same time one is urinating.

Folding Is NOT Bending

Our newest field correspondent, Linda from LoCo, sent this to me.  Please click on the picture to enbiggen.

 

Merriam-Webster defines bend as "to curve out of a straight line or position" whereas to fold is "to lay one part over another part of ".  These are completely different concepts.  So while it is fine to fold this map and create sharp creases it is definitely not okay to put a gentle curve in it.  A curved map would do no one any good.  Class dismissed.

And A Fight

I was watching a movie the other day (I cannot remember what it was) when I read this MPAA rating.  Please click on the picture to enbiggen.



I didn't realize that movie ratings had gotten so specific.  Mature thematic material, references to sexual content (whatever that means) and a fight.  All involving teens no less.  And if anyone ever read these warnings they might make a difference.  Do think any parent read this and said "This movie has a fight involving teens?  Well, we're not watching it."  Isn't that what teens do 90% of the time?

It's Probably Just Me...

But I'm not sure I would have named anything a "Hot Steamer".  I'm sure it's a fine beverage it just sounds wrong somehow.  That is all.

Editor's note:  Reader S&M made such a perfect comment that I had to promote it here:
"That's very nice of them to let you choose flavor and whip. I'll take cherry and the cat o nine tails."

3 Year Olds Love The Piano

On my recent road trip I visited the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago.  One of the exhibits included an interactive display of what people's goals are at various stages of life.  The exhibit lost a smidgen of credibility when it displayed this (click the picture to enbiggen):

 

I wonder how big their sample size of three year olds was.  This whole screen was supposed to be related to children three years of age.  Seriously?  Learn to play the piano? Learn to play the violin?  VOLUNTEER???  I think the goals of most kids under the age of five revolve around acquiring cookies and eating paste.

X-Wing? Nay, P-Wing!

Field correspondent Griz sent me this fabulous picture and the even better prose below.  Please to enjoy...

 

My 4-year-old is really into Star Wars and oddly also into baking, so we bought him a set of Star Wars cookie cutters.  He was elated as we tried them out. The Death Star, Tie Fighter and Millennium Falcon shapes were superb.  The detail was great and the cookies delicious.  The X-Wing cookies, however, came out looking like... well... let's just say the force is with them.  And by "force" I mean Randy McMeatmissle is in the cockpit.  And by "cockpit" I mean its honey hole.  And by "honey hole" I mean the musk hut.  And by "musk hut" I mean a butter boat.  And by "butter boat" I mean the flesh tuxedo.  And by "flesh tuxedo" I mean the old furback turtle.  And by "furback turtle" I mean Docking Port V... which is where Capt. McMeatmissle  pilots his P-Wing fighter when he's on shore leave.  Needless to say, to add to the absurdity of the moment my son liked these shapes the best and ate them, um... fuselage first. Shudder!

Sure They Care... About Entrapment

 

I've seen this sign all across this fair state and I've been trying to get a picture of it for a long time.  It's a bit hard to read but it says "FOCUS ON THE ROAD.  MoDOT CARES".  Really?  This sign is, in effect, is chiding you for reading it.  Maybe if MoDOT didn't put up distracting signs, one would be more likely to keep one's eye on the road.

Nothing Makes Air Travel More Pleasant Than Additional Sweat

 

Continuing my travel log, I found this gem in the Dallas/Fort Worth airport.  It is a "Yoga Studio" nestled between terminals C and D.  It includes a nice matt, privacy screen, potted plants and even a television playing a yoga instructional video.  There has been some contention among fellow correspondents as to whether is really should be considered a WTFoto.  In my opinion it definitely is because, seriously, who is going to do yoga in an airport?  Even if you have a extra time on your hands, are you going to do a downward dog while a stream of strangers files past you?

"Time Is An Illusion" - Albert Einstein

Our newest field correspondent, Papa J, send this to me.  As he said "3 'identical' boxes of cheap Totino's pizzas I was recently preparing."  Click the picture to enbiggen.

 

Soooo, anywhere from 11 - 16 minutes.  That's a mere 45% variance in time.  All at 450°.  Nothing could possibly go wrong with that.  And I love the fact that all three have different times.  Maybe what happened is that the box maker messed up.  Of course sometimes the box can be confused for a Totino's pizza...

Speaking Of Awkwardly Worded Signs...

 

At my recent convention, lunch was provided by the venue.  On each of the tables was the above table tent.   As in my previous post, I shall attempt to translate this for you:  coffee and creamer are available if you ask for it.  Seriously, nobody has ever called creamer a “Non-Dairy Condiment”.  Luckily the sucralose (C12H22O11) and a variety of high-intensity artificial sweeteners (including saccharin, aspartame, and sucralose) are provided on the table in a rectangle ceramic ramekin.

There Is No Easy Way To Say This

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been doing a LOT of traveling lately and it always provides such a bounty of WTFotos.  Click on the picture to enbiggen.

 

I'm going to do my best at a translation:  if the remote doesn't turn the TV on, press the power button on the TV.  I think that sums it up pretty well.  It really doesn't need a 40 word paragraph (which includes an exclamation mark, a split infinitive, and a dependent adverbial clause) in order to say that.  And what in the hell does "if there isn't a reflection by... remote" supposed to mean?  I almost never expect my remote to reflect my TV.  I'm going out on a limb here and say that this was written by someone for whom English is a second language.

No Alcohol For Fetuses

I visited a local bar-type establishment a couple weeks ago (Yes, it did happen to be on the second of June, why do you ask?) and I was presented with this scene.  Apparently, as long as you are born on today or before, you can be served alcohol.  But they definitely draw the line at inter-utero cocktails.

Beware!!! Humor Attempts Sometimes Fail.

I have to assume that this wonderful sticky note of advertising is referring to the Redd's Apple Ale commercial campaign where someone is wondering what to order to drink and an apple comes flying and hits them in the head, knocking them to the ground.  I found those commercials a bit odd anyway, but I'm not in advertising.  Anyway, if one is not aware of these commercials, this comes across less of a joke and more of a threat.  Which, in my opinion, is the best way to acquire and retain customers.

Pooper Man!

I've been doing quite a bit of traveling as of late, so that shall be a running theme for the near future.  Let's begin, shall we.  Please click the picture if you wish to enbiggen.

 

Is the stall out of paper?  We'll get you a new roll faster than a speeding bullet! 

This is just wrong and degrading on so many levels.  I guess the economy is hitting everyone pretty hard.  Even superheroes have to get a part-time job.  Hopefully his luck will turn around if his little film project works out.

What The Parking?

I will be traveling next week so there won't be updates for a few days.  I leave you to mull over this one.

Now I'm no civil engineer but something about this just isn't right.  I've had to use parking like this but it's usually at a concert or someone's house party.  I certainly hope everyone wants to leave at the same time...

Badass Grandma

I was going through some old pictures and found this one.  I had completely forgotten I had taken it.  Click the picture to enbiggen.

 

This is really less of a What The Foto and more of just a fantastic picture.  To set the scene, I am at Cedar Point Amusement Park (known as the roller coaster capital of the world).  That little old lady has just boarded the Top Thrill Dragster (a 17 second, 120 MPH ride) and she could not be happier.  She comes off looking a bit frighten in the picture but let me assure you, she was smiling ear-to-ear when she got off the ride.  I also saw her boarding the Maverick and the Millennium Force.  I just hope I can be that cool at some point in my life.

Chickens Go "Moo"

I saw this on a menu during lunch a couple days ago.  Please click the picture for enbiggened goodness.



It is extremely generous for them to offer to make the Pollo El Jimador with either chicken or beef.  And confusing.  But since I don't have their recipe, I can't says it's incorrect.  Maybe they have a genetics lab somewhere in the kitchen.

Dig In (But Not Too Deeply)

Field correspondent ExplodyBones (don't ask me) sent me this submission.  Click the picture to enbiggen.

 

So, I take a look at this picture and I'm not sure why it qualifies as a What The Foto.  That crazy opossum standing on his head while reading to a group of some sort of rodents?  No.  The huge expanse of asphalt as the playground?  No.  Then I'm told to focus on the background on the right side of the scene.  Let's zoom in on that, shall we:

 

Nothing screams "childhood fun" like playing 10 feet from a cemetery.  And it looks like anyone playing soccer would be constantly retrieving the ball from between headstones.  And that's what makes it a WTFoto.

Spel Chek Iz Gud

Captain Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq provided this submission.  Click the picture enbiggen.

I understand cute spellings for trade names, but if you are promoting a spell check product, perhaps you should spell 'check' properly.

Editor's Note: What I think is odd is the fact that they chose to "misspell" only two words, making it look much less intentional.  Of course there is the possibility that they want to look like idiots...

Stop! In The Name Of Shrimp!

I saw this sign on an exit door the other day when I was leaving the grocery store.  It's a bit demanding, in my opinion.  I don't recall shrimp even being on my shopping list.  Does this type of thing even work?  Now excuse me, I've got to get my ass back in there and get some shrimp.

When Irony Just Can't Wait

I saw this machine in a gas station Men's room while on road trip recently.  Click the picture to enbiggen.  Now, I know that these machines have been a staple in restrooms for a long time.  The reason it is on this website is the tag line that Protocol chose to use: "When Life Just Can't Wait..." Please correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that the entire point of using condoms?  To make life wait??  And bonus points are awarded to the fact that the third product is not actually a prophylactic but, instead, maximum strength "Horny Goat Weed".

Cover Your Butt, Put Out Your Butt and Don't Shoot Anyone In The Butt

Field correspondent Shu has graced us with another submission.

This is signage at the entrance to a gun shop in rural North Carolina. In a place of business where management needs to tell customers to pull their pants up and not to shoot guns inside, you would think that someone lighting up a cigarette would be the least of their worries. Second Amendment is alive and well here, provided you put your pants on and your cigarette out before entering.

Editors Note:  You know, bullets and cigarettes are equally deadly, it's just a matter of the timeline.  And what in the hell does "Show me some of that country money" mean?

NEWSFLASH: Massaging Gums Increases IQ

Field correspondent Bolo sent this my way.

 

This week I was on a Science Camp trip as a chaperone and was amazed at what I learned from these kids. These kids are in an honors biology class and are some of the most intelligent kids in the school. I have often wondered why the Asian students always perform so well at academics. I have thought it might be genetics, or a result of a fish heavy diet as it has always been known that fish is brain food.

 

Imagine my surprise when I walked into the bathhouse and found that one of the Asian students had brought this from home. I would never have thought this was the secret! 

CAUTION!

I saw this in the parking lot of a large electronics retailer the other day.  Please feel free to click the picture for enbiggened goodness.  While I am certain a random concrete block in a parking lot is a hazard, one has to wonder how much more time it took to wrap the caution tape around it than to simply move it to another location.  I guess they have at least limited their liability exposure...

12-Year-Old Boys Shouldn't Work Retail

This isn't exactly timely but I saw this a couple months back (duh..).  Click the pic to enbiggen.

I really don't know which is worse, the fact that this sign was actually printed and posted or how much I giggled when I saw it.  I guess that proves one thing: some of us will never fall victim of maturity.

The Ehhh...Team

 

Rugbylicious (formally "W") captured this picture and sent it my way.  Click the image to enbiggen.

 



"In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as independent contractors... If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the Ehhh...Team."

Editors Note:  I wonder if there is a large, extremely angry white guy in there who wears lots of jewelry and is afraid of flying.  I certainly hope so.