Perhaps this sign is the restaurant's way of wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and advertising a fish dinner special. Or maybe they're six months early or six months late in sending birthday wishes to a 15 1/2 year-old named Jesus Croaker.
Here what I consider an example of a classic What The Foto. I was in a gift/jewelry/candle/gourmet food shop the other day when I found these. This is a stamp for sealing envelopes with wax. The first thing I noticed is that these items have a net weight (click the picture to enbiggen) because clearly this is the type of thing that is sold by the pound.
This is one of the more frightening warnings I have read. Keep away from water AND fire. Keep away from children and pets. Do not ingest?!?! THIS IS NOT A TOY. NON-EDIBLE! How many people have been killed by these things? I guess that it is possible that the stamp could be eaten by a child (it's about the size as a nickel) but that handle is almost six inches long. Someone would have to be pretty determined to get that into their esophagus.
This is the front of a postcard he received. Fine, nothing too odd about it other than Nancy is kind of all over the place with her wish list. Then you flip the postcard over...
REALLY?!??! Don't disappoint your children?!? In case you can't tell, this of those "sure we'll give you money, but it will cost you" places. Way to take advantage of parents who already are having a difficult time. Because it doesn't matter if you if can afford it or not, you gotta buy $#!+ this time of year. And thus, the prostitution of Christmas is complete.
As if the random assortment of self stick reflectors wasn't enough to trick out this Pontiac Grand Prix. No, no, nonononono… what this ride really needs is a gold towel bar mounted on the trunk spoiler! How many times have you been showering in the garage and you just can’t find anyplace to hang your damn towel??!! I know, right? Problem solved.
A point of reference is always helpful. And being in close proximity to medical facilities is never a bad thing. But this restaurant's marketing department might want to come up with a new slogan, especially if they want to be known for their wings and not be perceived as a restaurant where medical attention is necessary after eating.
Correspondent Bolo sent this one my way. It's a bit subtle but read the name of the product mounted above the urinal. Now, I know that it is a deodorizing system but there are two things wrong with it. First, there isn't any tubing from it to the urinal so it's pretty much just a decoration. Secondly, it is named DRIPMASTER. I think they chose that name to be particularly cruel to those guys who are shy pee-ers.
This product is a little hard to explain. It is apparently an FM radio that is basically a poster (click the image to enbiggen). It's a gimmick and it is basically embracing that. Why it has ended up here is the bulleted list of "features". Tune in your favorite FM stations: okay I can live with this though I have some serious doubts about its antenna. The last one, Volume Control, is starting to stretch it. It's the On/Off Switch bullet that I have a problem with. Isn't that the bare minimum of any radio? If this thing cannot be turned on, it's just a poster. If it can't be turned off, it's one of those annoying speaker birthday cards.
This is a chain of convenience stores in the area. I'm not sure who decided that this is the best name for a business. I get the gist: Get in and out quickly. But, really? Were the founders really that clueless? Or is this simply a joke that somehow has lasted? And the spelling is nice as well. Since I try to keep this site safe for work, I will end my post here but feel free to add your thoughts in the comments.
The other day I was served a beer on top of this coaster (click the picture to enbiggen). I didn't think much about it at first, then the phrase "alternative worship service" caught my eye. Apparently, there is a church that is REALLY reaching out to the sinners. I'm pretty sure that this is the first time I have seen a worship service advertised in a bar. And directly underneath my beer no less. That is targeted marketing. BTW, I have no idea what was redacted with the magic marker; it was that way when I got it.
I love products that are made in countries where English is not the primary language. Here is an example of that (click the picture to enbiggen). This one got most things right, but there are a couple things that are just off the mark. Let's start at the top: "Like real BBQ firelight & grillsound!" Like real? OMG! It is sooooo bitchin'! And while "firelight" is a real English word, "grillsound" is not. The best part is the food they included: steak and hamburger steak (a little redundant), cheese (okay), 2 bread (not buns?), a sausage (I guess that happens) and a cucumber (completely missed the target with that one). Gives an interesting insight on how other countries imagine our cookouts to be.
Ever found yourself wandering endlessly around the grocery store, getting more and more frustrated because, while the milk, eggs, and bread are easy enough to find, you really need to stock up on trash and they always put it in the darnedest places? Finally, a store that feels your pain. There's the trash aisle! It's aisle 14. And right next to the air fresheners - how thoughtful!
John F-ing Wayne of the United F-ing States of America has a Monopoly game named after him. A collector’s edition no doubt. What would we do without SkyMall? Pilgrim.
I'd offer for you to enbiggen by clicking, but I don't want to be responsible for it eating your soul. Seriously, that thing pegs the Creepy Meter all the way to the right. I think you have some sort of ball that is supposed to be tossed into Big Bertha's disturbingly glowing large mouth. I say that I THINK that is the way it is played because there is no way I was going to put a quarter into that thing. I seen enough Twilight Zones to know that is how evil is unleashed on the world and I really have enough in my life to deal with at the moment.
---------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who aren't familiar with this, those silvery bags that electronics come in are used to prevent a static electrical shock from damaging the item. They are very important to protect certain electronic products from being damaged before installation. Keyboards are not one of those items that need such protection. You see, keyboards are installed in a way that they are touched quite frequently, often by people's hands. As such, they are designed to not be affected by the occasional static electricity that may happen. Maybe this is the one keyboard that was designed to never be touched...
I found this at a outdoors/sportsmen retailer (sorry for the blurry picture). So Sabre Maximum Strength Pepper Spray helps fight breast cancer? Just a little spritz every morning should do it. Please focus primarily on the aureole. For medial use only. Is there nothing they won't slap that pink ribbon on? I'm sure that the fine folks at Sabre actually do donate to the Susan G. Komen foundation, but some on. I predict that by this time next year, fully 40% of the U.S. economy will be pink ribbon and breast cancer awareness related.
I'm not sure if this is an awareness thing or what, but it sure is odd. Let's see here, it is written in some sort of blue paint, so they wanted it to be permanent. It hasn't been washed off, so it doesn't seem to be a prank. There is an American flag in the background, so it must be patriotic. I'm just not putting the pieces together.
This picture was taken by our newest correspondent, Shu. He writes:
This clock is hanging on the wall of correspondent Bat's living room. What is that number between 3 and 5 (click to enbiggen)? If I know my Roman numerals (and I do) that doesn't represent any known number. Now I wonder why the manufacturer used IIII instead of the more traditional (and correct) IV. Maybe they didn't have quite enough room to squeeze it in the space they alloted, though that could have easily been adjusted. Maybe they thought that it looked more "artsy", though they did use Vs properly on the other numbers. Or just maybe they didn't know any better, which I personally think is the case. If they only had some way of researching the correct format...
She writes:
QueenBee found this and sent it to me (click picture to enbiggen). She writes "I found this at ***A Major Retailer***. They are cups with characters on them and a ping pong ball that looks like an eye ball. ***The Major Retailer*** has decided to teach kids how to master beer pong at an early age!
I wrote about my miniature Stonehenge in an earlier post, but I never really noticed the side of the box it came in. Of course that symbol means "not for children under the age of three" but it's just weird. I'm not sure who refers to their baby as being zero. Also, why does the "child" look like an onion. And why is he (she?) so unhappy about not being able to play with the Stonehenge? So, in summary, never give a miniature model of Stonehenge to less than three unhappy onions. This PSA brought to you by the concerned folks at What The Foto.
WiskeyGirl sent this one my way. She writes: "I just cannot understand why they did not put patient pick up there rather than discharge. It is on a hospital for goodness sakes.. of course I am going to think of some bodily fluid if they have discharge posted."
So here is a little gem I found today (9/7/10). On my way to court in Huntsville I see this hand lettered sign near the city limit. I assume this is some city project in order to locate possible leaks in the city sewer system, as that is the normal purpose of this activity. My questions/observations: 1. It isn't a garage sale, put up a real sign; 2. Don't have your 4 year-old create the sign with her magic marker set; 3. Note the date on the sign (June 23), does it really take that long? Are you done yet? How did your sign stay in such fantastic condition for almost 2.5 months. I just found the whole thing rather odd.
I have to assume that this is an old pharmacy bottle, but even the mighty Google can't tell me anything about what this was all about (click here to see for yourself). Apparently, at some point in history, someone combined alum (hydrated potassium aluminium sulfate), boric acid and glycerine and used it in conjunction with with a feminine hygiene product. Or it is some kind of hoax. Those are my best guesses, anyone have a better one?
You will probably want to click the picture to enbiggen. I'm not certain those parents love their children. Note where the slide terminates: right at the precipice of that extremely steep slope. And there is nothing to stop them until they reach the fence. Maybe the parents use it as a punishment: "Eat your broccoli or I'll make you go slide..."
Griff sent this to me. This is what happens when someone tries to create a product market that just isn't there. So I can understand ranching, riding and maybe even construction but bird hunting??? And I have gone camping more times than I can count and have never needed chaps (the same cannot be said for Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq and WhiskeyGirl). Why not just keep listing activities? Protect your legs while pole vaulting, repairing clocks, karaoking, even blogging. Now if Griff had just included the phone number in the picture...
Before I begin, let me say that I understand unfortunate things happen, like a car window gets broken. I also understand that it may not be possible to immediately get said window repaired. That being said, lets examine what is going on here (click the picture to enbiggen). First, the condition of that duct tape implies that this was not a recent event. Second, the Happy Bunny sticker reads "Thank you for not making me kill you". Third, please note the "Support Pimpin" (sic) magnetic ribbon. Fourth, if I'm not mistaken, that is a child seat next to the breezy window. Finally, it's worth squinting to get a glimpse of the white/black tiger stripe upholstery; it really brings the whole thing together.
So, it was about 6 In The Morning when I saw this. My First Impression was "God Forgive Me" but I’m Breakin' this out on What The Foto. I’m sure that Mr. Icet isn't just running for auditor to get Money, Power, Women or to live Lifestyles Of The Rich And Infamous but because Somebody Gotta Do It. It would be interesting to have a Question And Answer session and ask him "How Does It Feel to be a Big Gun and one of the High Rollers". I want to Note that with Power comes greater Personal responsibility, but I’m certain Mr. Icet would respond "I Ain't New Ta This". So best of luck to you Mr. Icet and, if I can give you a piece of advice: Make It Funky.
WTF? I'm driving along and see this nightmare in front of me. I had to swerve as I thought he was throwing machetes and chainsaws at me. Seriously - this guy shows up at your house to give you a "free estimate" - only in the movies would you let him in - then he would estimate how many different ways he can kill you and your half naked nubile sorority sisters who were in the middle of a pillow fight and ... well I digress - I think I'll just live with the dust - it is much less likely to gut me with some novel farm implement. Even if I could live with the mask, I think I want the guy providing me with a free estimate to wear a shirt. Is that too much to ask?
This clearly is in no way a sexual innuendo. It is simply a PSA that is explaining how a dump truck unloads. See the rocks cannot get out (or "off") the truck until the bed elevates (or "gets up"). Consider it a free lesson as to how quarry services work; one that should be passed on to the children of the world. Anyone who reads anything else into it is a pervert.
I feel that it is only polite to exchange licking. Anything else is just selfish.
I don't there is anything I need to add to this one. However I may have to become a customer of theirs.
Everyone has seen these bottles, but have you actually read one? Click to enbiggen and pay special attention to the second sentence. I am very curious why there is an asterisk next to the word tomatoes and there isn't any footnote explaining it. So Heinz uses "tomatoes" to make "ketchup" that everyone will "enjoy". Anyone want to hypothesize what they are actually using?
So just the other day I was talking with this guy about how I really could use some .15 liter boxes. As I told him, I had literally dozens of uses I could think of and just wished I could find some somewhere. I rattled on for what seemed like hours that I couldn't find any good method of organizing my bellybutton lint and I needed something to store the .15 liter of tears I cried when I saw Celine Dion (that's a whole other story). And now, FINALLY, I can buy the perfect solution to these and the myriad of other storage problems that have befuddled me for the greater part of my life. Really useful boxes indeed.
I know that I have already done one of these, but since it's still happening... What gets isn't the fact that the price went up (it happens) or that the computer printed out the sign (it happens). No what gets me is the associate who wasn't able to determine which number was smaller and put up the sign anyway. I guess People Of Wal-Mart needs to start including employees.
I guess these must be the two kids whose parents don't make them do their homework. Or perhaps they are taking this course from the University of Houston and ARE doing their homework.
She writes: This drawer is at the main desk in the unit where I work.....I would leave my valuables here, wouldn't you????
Now I'm sure that I risk offending someone with this post, but that is a risk I am willing to take. So I saw this ad in a magazine and I just couldn't get my mind around it (click to enbiggen). "Brought to you in a spiritual way with honesty and integrity nurturing our friends and family"?????? Seriously? What in the hell does that mean? I am certain that I don't want my spaghetti sauce giving me a spiritual experience and the only honesty that I expect is on the ingredients list. I also like the uncredited quote about organic farmers saving us all. I've done enough research to know that labeling something "organic" really doesn't mean much at all. So that claim doesn't hold much water either.
I shall end my rant now.
These are f-ing fantastic! Click and click to enbiggen. Exactly when did Ferrari start manufacturing Geo Metro convertibles? Things I noted on my first quick glance: the AAA sticker on the bumper, the Netherlands oval bumper sticker, the front hubcap with several chunks missing from it, the gigantic digital clock stuck on the dashboard at a jaunty angle and the tiny additional mirror on the driver’s side mirror. Oh yes, and the chrome Ferrari shield on the trunk and the gold shield in front of the door. Apparently there's a lot more to it, but our intrepid cameraman only got a couple of shots before a curious neighbor came around. 
Okay, I can accept that these potato chips are called Spudmaster. I accept that they are "ColossalChips". I can even accept that they are "the chip like no other". But what in the hell is going on with the logo of a potato dressed as a cowgirl? That is just a bit too non sequitur for me. Maybe if they were called PrarieChips or RanchTaters, or even SpudPokes I would understand. Makes me think that someone in the marketing department has a rather odd fetish.
I'm really not sure where to go with this one. There is the "if they didn't put that slit in the front of the underwear it wouldn't get out - and why are the authorities concerned about this." Or you could go with the "seems like they are really cracking down on greenhouse gasses if they are policing this now." Or along those same lines "I guess they must have passed the new Cap and Trade Bill - not sure how that provision got added though - good thing I was wearing carbon scrubbers." I think I prefer the "it must have been that editor's last day before retirement." I mean really - doesn't someone read the paper before it is printed. Vote for your favorite or add your own.
