Friending Crackers on Facebook

This whole Facebook thing is starting to get out of hand. Really, crackers want to be your friend (click to enbiggen)? Now I understand that Facebook has all sorts of "fan" pages, but for crackers? Apparently Keebler has an entire nation on Facebook. And reading the the posts, you can determine for yourself the kind of people who would friend a snack.

PLEASE Spit

W of A&W sent this to me.

This little sign is in the bathroom here at work. Apparently they have had some problems with... hell, I don't know... people spitting in the trash can, perhaps... or on the floors? Why wouldn't someone spit in the sink or toilet anyway?

Anyway, I got a kick out of it. To me it almost seemed like they were begging people to spit in the toilet... like it's going to bring good luck to the company or something. "Please!! For the love of GOD, spit in our toilet!!!!"

Luv Box

Really? A sandwich container called a "Luv Box"? There is no way that double entendre wasn't intended. There are sooo many ways of misusing this.

"I'm can't wait to take my luv box out at lunch!"
"Sometimes I like to be surprised by what's in my luv box."
"I love eating out of my luv box."
"Sweet, there's a sausage in my luv box today!"
"Sometimes I use my luv box to get tacos."

I could continue like this for some time, but I think you get the idea.

*Attention Drivers*

Here is another post graciously contributed by Griff.

This is truck driver code for "Ha, Ha. Just kidding. You don't have to sign crap! Just drive the stupid truck".

As I pointed out in "Or Just Steal It", I do love me some misused quotation marks. I wonder if this sign is implying that the drivers are supposed to have a romantic relationship with the bill of lading and then use ASL to spell the word "freight".

Good Eating Too…

What we have here is a very interesting product. It is T.V. (Texas Variety) brand "bait shrimp." I’m not much of a fisherman so I can’t comment on the product itself. What I can do, however, is direct your attention to the upper left corner of the package. "Good Eating Too..."??? Now I understand that one crustacean is pretty much the same as another and that additional product benefits are all the rage these days, but it just seems odd. The icing on the cake is where I found it…

Brown, But Hard Working

Yet another contribution from Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. I may have to start paying him to be a freelance journalist for What The Foto...

So I'm "occupied" after lunch today, and there aren't any magazines to read, and I can't poo without reading something, so I grab the toilet paper role and start reading the wrapper. That isn't weird at all, right? I like that fact that it is environmentally safe for the home and office, but my attention is drawn to the inset picture on the right side, which appears to graphically depict the purpose of this product. In fairness, I think it is supposed to depict someone wiping up a spill on a counter, but it sure doesn't look that way. I'm pretty sure I can figure out how to use this product without a pictorial demonstration. And also, it is "green, but hard working." I understand the benefit to bragging about being environmentally sound, but I would avoid the use of the word "green" for this product. And how is it hard working. I'm the one doing the work.

Louis Armstrong: Scatology Instructor

Momosan stumbled across this sight in a downtown shop window. While appears to be an odd subject for a book, it becomes even stranger when you realize that this is NOT a vintage book. It was published less than a year ago. So now we have a book with a bizarre subject that was published about 4 decades too late to be timely. Wait, it gets better! Here is the description from the publisher's website: "In a CRACKITY-SNAPPITY-POPPITY-POP bubblegum dream, a young girl learns to scat from the master himself, Louis Armstrong!" Okaaaaayyy...

I can’t think of a better gift for a 5-to-9-year-old child. Christmas is in the bag this year!

(Sorry for those of you who were hoping for a poop joke. This blog is way too highbrow to sink to that level.)

Precious Cheese

Just a picture of an Asian man wearing a t-shirt that says "Precious Cheese." I don't think that any additional comments are necessary. Click to enbiggen.

Different Tax Brackets

I went out to lunch the other day with a friend, and lo the menu had a bounty of choices, we ended up ordering the same thing. When the bills came, we were presented with this (click to enbiggen): my tax was one penny more than his. Now I don't know if they called the IRS to determine my annual wages (I not have an accountant or they would have called them first) or just assumed my affluence from my garish attire (those who know me personally just chuckled), but they definitely assumed that I needed to pay slightly more in taxes than my companion. Just another example of the Man sticking it to me (and not in that way, Dr. Mac).

My Kingdom for a Decimal Point

Yet another submission from Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq.

Not the greatest submission ever, but it made me do a lot of math. So I'm watching the news at lunch and see a commercial for a local hotel, and it pans to their lovely pool. Something stuck out that made me back up the DVR and look again. The pool is 3ft.09M deep. Huh First, lets pick a unit and go with it. Second, does the period go to abbreviate feet, or to indicate .09. If so, then the pool is either 3 ft. or 09 M deep. 9 Meters equals 29.5275521 feet. Can't be that. Maybe it is .09 meters - nope, that would only be 3.54330708 inches. I think it is supposed to be 0.9 meters, which would be a pretty close conversion to 3 feet. Seems like an important place to do your math correctly though.

Do Not Apply Vibrators

I saw this on a rail car while waiting for my Amtrak ride last weekend (click to enbiggen). It reads:

DO NOT HAMMER ON CAR

Warning

Do not apply vibrators

to any part of car body

except vibrator brackets.

Use on loaded car only.

Now we all know what it is trying to say, but since I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old, it sure made me laugh. The only thing that would have made this warning better is if the first "car" had been omitted and the word "brackets" would have been changed to "holes".

Emphasis on the Word "Sub"

I went to lunch the other day and saw this sign on the door. I have no idea what criteria make a police sub station. There were no cells, no dispatchers, no forms. There wasn't even a single police office. So how does a location become a police sub station? And what is supposed to happen at one? Maybe every place ever visited by a police officer can claim to be a sub station. In that case, I officially live in the safest neighborhood in America.

Baby Hanging Station

This is another picture provided by Griff.

This is a convenience provided to help parents who are on the go and cannot put up with the damn kids for another minute. When you just can't wait until you get home to hang your progeny, insist on the Koala Bear Kare® Baby Hanging Station. The most trusted name in baby hanging equipment.

Illegal Limousine Solicitation

I was taking a cab during my last trip and saw this notice on the taxi door (click to enbiggen). I understand the first three items (Compliment? Lost Property? Complaint?), but it's that third one that confuses me (Illegal Limousine Solicitation?). Maybe I'm just not the target demographic for such actions, but I've never once had anyone pull me aside and say "Psst! Hey buddy. You're not a cop are you? Want a limo ride?" Is this such a problem in America's cities that they actually have to create a hotline for it? And keep in mind that this sign is inside the vehicle, so by the time you read it, it is too late. Because there is nothing worse than someone offering you a ride in an opulent vehicle thereby making you the envy of everyone around.

No Shuttle Buses Allowed on the Shuttle Bus

I saw this sign on the airport shuttle bus on my last trip (click to enbiggen). The first symbol is clearly "No smoking." The second symbol obviously means "No food or drink." That third symbol doesn't make much sense at all. I assume that it is supposed to be "No radios," however why would they use a image of a console radio to represent that? To me, it really looks like a shuttle bus. If they have had this problem in the past, prohibiting people from bringing buses onto the bus is probably a good idea.

Commence Pant Crapping

W of A&W sent me this. I'm uncertain whether or not to thank him.

I had no intention of doing a Walmart two-fer, but how can I NOT post this. I am rarely at a loss for words, but this image takes care of that nicely. You can click to enbiggen or visit the website yourself: http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=12568644.

Rollforward

This picture was taken by Kristi, a coworker of MusicMan.

A couple of years ago, this major retailer changed its slogan from "Always Low Prices. Always." to "Save Money. Live Better." Obviously they do not intend for us to save as much as we used to and are not afraid to be completely blatant about that fact.

Insert Baby

Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. once again provides us with What The Foto fodder. Feel free to click to enbiggen.
Your last post reminded me of this pic I had and it appears to be the ying to your last photo's yang.

I saw this strongbox in the bathroom of a local bar. I found it interesting that there is absolutely nothing on the box to indicate what product it may dispense, what the cost of that product may be, and also the stark contrast to your normal graffiti-ridden dispensers. I also appreciate the added security of the double lock system. The only thing that even hints that this machine may dispense condoms is the ubiquitous refund policy "for refund, insert baby." For all I know, I may have been in the wrong bathroom, as confused as the person that left the sole graffito, and would have only received a Stayfree pad and some Midol for my quarters.

Porn Vending Machine

WARNING: Clicking on these images will link to non-redacted images that are most likely not safe for work.

I found this hilarious and frightening vending machine in the men's room of a bar while in San Francisco. In addition to the standard fare of condoms, there are a couple of more interesting items. Let's take a closer look...

This product is both "SHOCKING!" and "NOT A DRAWING!". Okay, we have eliminated what it is not, but haven't really explained what it is. But no matter what is being dispensed, you should collect all four.

This is by far my favorite. It starts with "AT LAST!" as if we have all been waiting our entire lives for this product. And while it is "INSTANT", it is absolutely "NOT INTENDED TO REPLACE THE REAL THING!" Because everyone knows you can acquire the pinnacle of sexual gratification in a squalid men's room.

Good Intentions

This one also comes from Ling-Ling. She writes: "I took this at a little restaurant called the Dutch Pot in Treasure Beach, Jamaica. They had a fully stocked bar. Apparently it's okay to break the law there, as long as you state your intention to follow up on it later."

I like the fact that it is their intention simply to APPLY for the license. They're making no promises that they will actually be granted one, but they will try their best. Evidently Jamaica's legal system is built solely on trusting people to do the right thing. Maybe I'll take a trip down there and "intend" to leave sometime...

Move Out of Your Hands

This picture comes from Ling-Ling. It took me a minute to figure out why she sent it to me until I re-read step 4 (click to enbiggen). At first I thought that might be a painful proposition, but perhaps it is sort of a Zen thing: "all things are possible when one moves out of their hands."

Dinosaur Vomit Prohibited

I'm sure that is supposed to be a hand dropping a piece of trash, but it sure looks like a dinosaur coughing up a hairball to me (click to enbiggen).

CAUTION: You’re an Idiot

In my experience, most glass is TRANSPARENT. That is kind of the point. How many people had to walk into that door before they put up the sign? Did they think that the handle was just magically hovering there? I understand the sometimes one has to extend some courtesies to people, but there is only so much you can do to protect people from themselves. At some point, you have just to let Darwinism take its course.

Disclaimers Make Everything All Right

This is another sight we were able to behold whilst in San Francisco (click to enbiggen). The sign reads:

SAFE & FRESH BREATH GUM

Helps cover alcohol breath.

Also tobacco, garlic, etc.

Unique Flavor, Long Lasting, Effective

It's just not worth the risk if you've had a drink.

This product does not remove alcohol from blood stream
and is not intended to encourage drinking and driving.

I like how the text gets smaller as it gets more accurate. Sure this product doesn't ENCOURAGE drinking and driving (other than the "not worth the risk" part), but if it does happen why not do it with fresh breath.

And what exactly is "Unique Flavor"? I tend to like more details about anything I put into my mouth.

Or Just Steal It

I love me some misused quotation marks (click to enbiggen). This sign shows a classic mistake: trying to use quotes for emphasis. Unless that sign is quoting another sign or trying to be ironic, those quotes are unnecessary. When read as written, it implies that if you manage to steal one shirt, they will reward you with a second one free. That's a hell of a deal, in my opinion. By the way, the face of the person making air quotes has been redacted to protect his/her identity, but most of you know who that is.

For more quotation mark travesties, visit The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks.

Welcome to the Parking Garage California

We saw this sign while we were in San Francisco. Temporarily full? TEMPORARILY full?!? I would certainly hope so. Are there parking garages that become permanently full? You park your car and then never get to use it again. The garage attendants just board up the entrance then move on to the next one. Maybe that is how California is reducing the pollution levels: simply take people’s cars from them.

"May I get my car back?"

"I'm sorry, sir. The garage has become permanently full."

The Ireland Series Finale

We sadly have to say goodbye to The Ireland Series. We'd like to thank Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. for his contributions to WTFoto and international animosity in general.

I noticed this in a gift shop in Ireland. Really?!? They have to put up a sign not to shove the metal spike through your ear, then put it back on the rack for the next person. Seemed like common sense, but maybe that is becoming less and less common.

The Ireland Series - Part the Third

Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. presents the continuing saga of The Ireland Series.

Perchance there is a different connotation of the term in Ireland (maybe the whole leprechaun thing) but apparently they sell a line of "Gold Digger" items. Maybe not the best WTFoto ever, but darn odd.

Irish WTFotos - Part 2

Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. presents part 2 of The Ireland Series.

Did you ever see that movie where there are all the cameras in the motel room? We were in Northern Ireland (at the Brown Trout Inn - seriously) I'm surfing the channels, excited by the prospect of there being a whole 15 channels, when I come across this screen on the TV. WTF is that. I've never been more terrified in a hotel room in my life. Smile! At whom? Where? Why? It freaked me right the eff out!

Here is a closeup.

WTFoto Has Gone International!

Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. has recently returned from across the pond and brought with him The Ireland Series. Here is the first installment in his own words.

Often, a warning sign fails to adequately convey the potential danger. Not a problem here. How often do you think this had to happen before they put up a sign?

Extreme Buddhism!!!

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!!! For one day only! Harder, Faster, More Outrageous! You'll pay for the entire seat, but you’ll just need the edge!!! Click to enbiggen!!!

If there are two words I thought I would never see together, they are "extreme" and "Buddhism". If I may direct your attention to "A Five Minute Introduction" to Buddhism from BuddhaNet, you'll see things like being mindful, wise and understanding. I'm not sure how one can develop "extreme wisdom" or "outrageous understanding" but apparently there is someone who is willing to teach you. I unfortunately cannot make it to the seminar, but if any of you out there on the internets attend, please let me what you learn. Because if there is one way I like my morailty, it’s hard and fast.

Custom Paint Job

We found this beauty on our last trip to the river. Man, there is nothing not to love about this, from the color choice (blue and red on faded orange) to the overspray (at least they tried to tape off the edges) to the fact that it looks like they used a Native American blanket as a pattern (http://ep.yimg.com/ca/I/yhst-8266589772317_2068_18329204). There is no way a photo could do justice to how phenomenal this paint job is, but here's a close up for you. Click to enbiggen for drippy, cracky, bubbly goodness.

Tow Truck Conga Line

I saw this sight the other day on the way to softball. What we have here is a tow truck pulling a tow truck pulling a car. Apparently the original tow truck broke down whist hauling the car. Please note that every vehicle has lights on: the car has its flashers and both tow truck have the rollers on. I know that I'm a bit of an odd duck, but I think it would be much safer just to haul one vehicle at a time. You cannot tell from the picture, but this highway train was weaving substantially between lanes. But what's a little life endangerment when it saves you a trip back to the shop?

Failure to Communicate

From Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, esq. (click to enbiggen). He writes: "What we have here... Is a failure to communicate. It appears they are not ones to follow directions in Bevier."

I think it is something other than civil disobedience. Perhaps people from Bevier simply cannot read.

Disconnected

We saw this sad pay phone on our last trip to the river. There are several things of note here: the pole lying on the ground to the left of the phone used to upright on the right side to "protect" it, the base is somewhat twisted, and the receiver is perched on top of the remaining pole. You cannot tell from the picture, but the phone is located about 15 feet from a parking spot. Someone had to really gun it while leaving to do that kind of damage.

The pay phone is already an endangered species in the United States. It's heart wrenching to see the survivors being poached in such a brutal fashion. We checked to see if it was still alive, but sadly we were too late.

Hieroglyphics Are Alive and Well

This is another send in by Griff. He states: "I have no words, other than now I have to pee."

That's what separates Griff from myself; I've got words. The fine folks at Crane Plumbing have mastered the art of using hieroglyphs to subliminally explain the purpose of their products. I'm sure that, if asked, they would say they selected the hole pattern because of optimal flow rates, structural integrity of the ceramic, blah, blah, blah. But you and I, dear reader, know the truth: men need as much assistance as possible to keep from urinating on every surface of the bathroom.

That's GREAT!

Griff send me this picture and says: "She does? Really? That's GREAT! I'm in."

My concern is that if she actually does bang all of St. Roberts, Missouri, she had better have good health insurance.

Custom Gold Trim

W (of A&W) sent me this gem, found this in the parking lot of his place of employment. I highly recommend that you click to enbiggen to achieve maximum impact. You know about the trend of adding decorations to vehicles in a variety of colors? Well apparently this individual wanted gold trim around the rear windows of his/her Buick, however professionally installed trim appears to have been outside of his/her budget. So this enterprising individual determined that carpet edging, screwed straight into the car, would make a fine substitute. I particularly like how it is cut and fanned at the upper corner for that finished look. Classy!

Smoke Facility

This is the door of the restaurant we patronize for breakfast while driving back from float trips. It's a bit difficult to read (click to enbiggen) but says "THIS IS A SMOKE FACILITY". Not a smoking or smoking friendly facility, a smoke facility. I don't think that the restaurant actually produces smoke, but I cannot be certain of that. I also like the cigarette in the circle without a cross line. Where does one find that particular graphic? To be completely accurate, there is a non-smoking section of the restaurant. It is separated from the smoking section by a single 4x4 support pillar. The smoke knows better than to cross that imaginary line.

Broccoli Wokly

Grapril presented this item to me. It is a bag that once contained broccoli. Nothing particularly unusual there. Where the oddness comes in is the name: Broccoli Wokly. May not be too bad if this vegetable was intended for use in stir fry. They even fabricated a word so that it would rhyme. However, the bag declares "Steam in Bag!" So now we have a made up word to (incorrectly) describe a product that is not intended to be used in the manner of the word that was created for that sole purpose. Sometimes these things make my head hurt…

Auto Powertrain Explained

Dr. "The Original Chip" Mac, Esq. has provided yet another picture. He writes: "I was killing some time, looking at an NSX and I noticed the spare tire in the engine compartment. It became less funny when I realized it is a mid-engine car - but it made me chuckle."

Now he isn't the most mechanically inclined individual that I know, so I want to take this opportunity to explain how this vehicle works: that is where the hamster runs in order to power the car. It is made from rubber so that the hamster can get better traction and, therefore, more power. I believe the wheel is connected directly to the driveshaft. And since this is a sports car, there are probably two hamsters that were factory installed. I hope this clears up your confusion.

Is There a Duck Around Here?

So, to the best of my understanding, chiropractic treatment involves adjusting the joints and bones in a person's spine (according to WebMD). I am extremely uncertain how that course of treatment would, in any way, affect one's hearing. The truly scary thing is that at least one person is going to read that sign and say "you know, I have been having trouble hearing lately; I should get my neck cracked." And have you ever noticed that chiropractors often include the word 'wellness' somewhere on in their name? Who are they trying to convince? You never see 'wellness' on hospital signs; it' just kind of implied. Now don’t get me wrong, I do believe that chiropractic treatment does hold a valid medical position. When one's spine or joints are out of alignment, chiropractors are the way to go. Hearing loss, on the other hand...

Handi-Rider

I saw this whist shopping the other day. I recommend clicking to enbiggen to get the full impact. Yes, that actually IS a disabled plate on a motorcycle. According to the Missouri Department of Revenue, someone who actually qualifies for disabled plates probably shouldn't be riding a motorcycle. I guess the WTFoto really isn't this particular license plate, but the fact that disabled plates for motorcycles exist at all. The skull license plate screws do make for a nice finishing touch.

The Epitome of a Dessert Wine

I've had dessert wines before, but this is just ridiculous. It's a bit hard to read so I will transcribe it for you (or click to enbiggen):

Grape Wine with Raspberry Juice Concentrate
If you are a chocoholic you are sure to love Jazz Berry! A fruity sweet wine with intense bouquet and taste of fresh raspberries. Served chilled with desserts made with dark chocolate, crème brulee, custards and even over ice cream. Jazz Berry with chocolate, what could be better? Hmm…

A dessert wine is supposed to be sweet (believe me this wine is sweet) and served with dessert, but I present this question: who has ever poured wine over their bowl of ice cream? Wine and dairy, together at last! I also like how the copy seems to become less sure as it goes on. The first sentence is so exciting that it ends with an exclamation point. By the end it almost sounds embarrassed: "what could be better? Hmm..." I could come up with a long list to answer that question.